Greater Influence Than I Realized

 Bouncing off of the last post where I had lost trust for myself, I have been relatively hard on myself throughout my life. I don't say that to be a sob story or for someone to pity me, it's just more of the simple truth.

For example, I always saw myself as unattractive, weak, has little friends so if I ever break a friendship off then I'm alone, etc.

But now as I think about it, and I mean really think about it, none of that is true.

There are one or two instances I can think of someone thinking I am attractive, I have some strengths in areas I didn't realize (as well as working on physical strength), and I have more friends that I never realized because they are still here and supporting me.

For those who aren't aware, I joined a discord server in which it's a friendly community where we game and hang out together. I was invited to it by a close friend because it's his cousin's clan. It's been an incredibly fun time, and I've had a blast ever since joining.

So naturally since we are trying to build a bigger community that people can flock to for a place to feel safe and comfortable and have a good time, I've been inviting friends. Anyone that I can think that I'm still on decent if not good terms with and who games (with a side of potential interest) I've reached out and sent an invite to. Understandably some people say no or aren't interested, and that's fine, I don't blame them.

What I did realize though is the number of people I had been able to reach out to and they had some interest in it. I've brought in 15 people, and sure maybe that's not a lot, but sometimes it's better to have less friends but closer ones, than to have more friends but distant ones. I guess part of the confidence thing is that the things I say or think to myself, the lies I repeat to myself are not necessarily true.

I have friends, and there are friends who would count me as a friend, and it's nice to know that the lies were, well, lies. That there are truths, but the truths are better than what I had previously imagined. It's definitely still a process to build myself back up, but hey, progress is progress. As long as it works towards the right direction, who cares?