Fact Of Life

I was discussing this with a friend and it's just gonna be something I have to deal with and it will never truly go away. The question is how will I respond/react when these instances occur.

So as I had mentioned the other day, I was having some difficulties moving on entirely. And part of that is maybe the sudden shock to my mindset since I had been holding out a hope for a friendship restoration. But now that I'm trying to move on, the mind is starting to scramble a bit and is causing a couple of relapses and thoughts of not committing to this path. To just keep holding out and not see if things work out later while going towards moving on completely. Meaning I could sit and wait, or I could move on and if it happens, it happens.

Part of what makes it difficult is just seeing her name. Or rather people who share her name. At work, when we get an online order, it prints out their name. And today I had seen a ticket with the name "Sophia" on it. While it's not the same person, the sound and the spelling is enough to trigger memories and moments of sadness. The trick to it all though is to move on and try to not linger in those sad moments. Maybe one day those sad feelings will go away, maybe not. But if I let it have its stay whenever it rears its head, I never will heal and I never will move on. If I react poorly every time the name is said or read, it will have a grip on me that will plague me and disallow growth and flight.

Part of me hopes that one day the dust will settle and there is something that returns just so that it's not bittersweet memories as the only things that come up when I think of her. But the other parts of me know that I need to prepare for having just bittersweet moments because I might not get that friendship and to hope for it is placing my hope in all the wrong things.

I guess here's to another day of some struggling, but to hopefully a tomorrow of healing and moving on. I'll keep you posted here, if you're interested to follow along or if you even made it here.