Four Or Five Moments

Last night, I had rewatched the majority of Deadpool on tv. Overall, some pretty good entertainment, even if it's incredibly vulgar and pretty gory. But then again, what does one expect when after every commercial break ends, the channel puts on the "viewer discretion is advised", and also when the movie was rated R for the violence and language.

Aside from the whole part of it being mostly for entertainment's sake as a comedic way to bring the merc with a mouth to the silver screen (properly too, not like the time before the Deadpool movie when the character came on, mouth sewn shut and everything), there was a quote that I can apply to myself as I aspire to being a hero. To taking back up to the heroics I once fantasized about, to the titles I had loved to receive and be referred to as, and to just be bigger than myself and not let anything knock me down for good. To have better morals than I have ever had before, and to be a better person than I ever was before.

"Four or five moments to be a hero. Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice- to make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend, spare an enemy. In these moments everything else falls away. The way the world sees us."

-Colossus (Deadpool)

In that I realize that this applies to myself (whaaaaat? Geoff is making a parallel to himself that is not tied to a Batman quote or Batman movie? What is this? Maybe we should go buy lottery tickets, or at least write it down!) that I don't have to strive to be a hero 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year (366 if you're on a leap year of course). That maybe it's not necessarily true there are only 4 or 5 moments that matter, but the point is that those moments are usually few and far in between. That the moments that really matter is when tensions are high, stress is through the roof, and it's very easy to just follow through with the action that is naturally the easiest and what the emotions tell us to do. That it's a conscious effort to focus in on when there's potentially a life-changing moment. Or a life-defining moment even.

I've had several points in my life that defined who I am, and how others view me. It's already been greater than the 4 or 5 moments I would only have if we followed the quote verbatim, but I can recount some of them.

I don't know if it necessarily counts, but there was this one post. I don't know whether this was the most serious, but in those moments, I had a choice. To let things go on as they were, which was easy enough, or I could do something about it. Sure there were a bunch of different emotions and intentions that might have (or most likely have) swayed the final decision, but it's there nonetheless.

Or another time is how I reacted towards my friends when the end of a potential relationship with S came about. I had a choice, and I let my emotions win and I went with the easier action. I exploded in rage, in anger. Unjustified rage and unjustified anger. Sure I would be upset at the news broken to me, but to have reacted the way I did was very non-heroic. I could have saved my two best friendships had I just asked them for some space as I processed everything rather than act on my emotion. Rather than to just do as my clouded judgment and clouded mind told me to act. Things could have even been way different had I just been wiser in my actions.

But I don't say all that to be a sob story. I say that as a reminder to you that I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I say it to remind myself that there were those imperfect and sub-par moments that happened in my life not too long ago and I had thought I had made myself better. But then I can also use that reminder as something that is more like, "hey you didn't do your best at that point in time, but use this as a way to realize the weight of your words and actions and use it to be more careful and wiser about what you say and how you act when it seems like everything is not going the way you once wanted it all to". It's a wake-up call. One that I intend to answer and follow through with.

So yes, while I may most likely have more than 4 or 5 moments to be heroic, I must be careful and focus on being better when tensions rise up, when I'm under stress or heightened emotions, and when things are perceived that I'm going upstream without a paddle. Being a hero is not easy, but it's well worth the growth and the development. The journey is going to be worth every effort.

Four of five moments, to be something I know I can be.