February

It's now February 1st. It's odd how quick time flies and how the first month of the new decade is now gone.

January sucked. That's the brutal and honest truth. There was a lot of feeling of regret, and a lot of wishing for time to turn back, and a lot of wishing for another chance. There was a huge change in my life, hitting my rock bottom, or at least the lowest I've ever been in life, and just coming to the realization that there's more to life that I need to learn about.

I've had to throw together some semblance of a resume, I've applied to so many different places to get a job (of which I still have yet to hear back from someone), and I've been trying to figure out what the meaning to my life is. Where is my purpose, where is my calling? What even are the both of them?

On the bright side, I've gotten a little stronger in my faith, I'd like to think. I've prayed more than ever, and I've been paying more attention in church (it's kinda a shame that I haven't really been the most attentive in church until now, but I guess better late than never). I've fallen off a regular prayer time, and I haven't exactly started a personal Bible study just yet. I should probably get moving on those.

At the start of this year, I had thought that 2020 was going to be my year. I was going to have all these things that were seemingly lining up just perfectly. Things changed in an instant and threw everything for a loop. So my 2020 isn't exactly the best. But I'm looking forward to every opportunity to make it better. To make it worthwhile and to just fight through the lows and the darkness. To come out on the other end as triumphant and a champion. To fight on when the odds are against me.

On another bright side is that I have been able to train regularly at aikido still. It's definitely something I still want to do as a potential career. But the only problem is that I need to get promoted at least once or twice more before I can think about opening my own place. Then after that it's going to be a lot of work to manage it all. To even get all the people to become regulars and help provide an income flow. Basically there's probably a lot more of what goes into opening and maintaining a martial arts school than I think there is.

I just hope that I can find my calling and find my purpose in life. I just need to trust the Lord my God with everything and know that everything that He is doing, whether or not I see it, is for my good and that there's a plan that He created for me.

I don't know what February brings, but I'm ready to take it on. It shouldn't be any worse than how January treated me, but I'm sure that I am strong enough and have the endurance to power through it. And if not, then I know who to turn to to help provide me with the strength to press on.

I'm going to give it my best shot. No one can blame me for trying and doing my best.