Purpose

I just want to find my purpose in life. I want to get a job or at least do something that I can feel accomplished or feel good about. I mean sure I go to aikido on a nightly basis and I feel good about the place I'm at after 13 years of training. But that's only one hour of every day (give or take) and that leaves a whole lot of time during the day for me to do..... what? I don't currently have a job, I'm waiting for someone, anyone, to answer my application and at least give me something to do. That way I can at least feel out the "real world" and see if I can think of something that I either want to continue in and move on up in the world, or if I want to change and go do something else.

I know I should just be constant in my prayer, asking God for His guidance, direction, and wisdom as far as His calling and plans for my life. But I just don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I can't sit around for my life, waiting until I get a high enough rank to open my own aikido dojo (which I want to do someday). I want to at least work a part (preferably full) time job so that I can get some cash flow to begin attempting to support myself financially. I want to become more responsible. But I can't do that with no responses on my job applications.

I know that trusting in God is all that I would need. That if I stay faithful to Him, that He will guide me. But it's just a bit of getting antsy just waiting for something. I know patience is a virtue, and quite honestly I could be working on that a bit more. But similarly I just want to feel like my days at home are productive. I've thrown away my opportunity to be a college student, in which I at least felt like I was getting something done. Even then I'm not so sure, because if I look at my final grades, did I really accomplish anything? Or was I just there to have fun and be semi-independent?

This waiting is rough. Being patient is far from being a strong suit with me. I could use more prayers for guidance on my life and where I'm supposed to go. I just want to feel like my life has a purpose greater than just doing the occasional house chores and showing up to aikido for a small chunk of time each day. There's got to be more for me out there. I can't imagine that my life is just going to be this lazy life forever. While yes, having all this free time is kind of nice, it's also a double edged sword because I feel like I'm nothing, that I'm worthless to society because I'm not contributing, even with a part time job or something.

What is my purpose or my calling in life? I guess that's a question I need to ask God, but where do I go in the waiting? What do I do in the here and now while I wait for God's plans to work out. I know He is constantly working and that He never stopped working in my life, but I just want something to do. Something to give me meaning to life.