Prayers Please

I need help.

There's a lot of feeling of regret and longing for what could've been. A bit of beating myself up for not doing the work I had said I would do. Yearning for the plans I had originally made that are now gone because of lack of action in the past.

I had become to comfortable in my living conditions. I don't mean to say I am ungrateful or unthankful for the life I have been given. I just wish I had been able to have either been more open to my parents about grades or just less fear of bringing bad grades. Or even just that I would've avoided it altogether. If bad grades were such an issue, why not just strive to have good grades that you can celebrate?

Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe I'm just upset because in hindsight, I see what I could've done better. I see a plan that is months too late to execute so that this week would've just been the last week of break. But now no more breaks. It's all just find a job and get moving with my life.

Maybe I'm too clingy. I don't know but I still wish for some things to work despite the fact that I had a hand in making it very difficult for it to work. With my lack of return to LU, I threw a wrench in my own plans. It's my fault, and I'm hurting because of it. I know healing takes time, but just the thought of all the good I had lost because of what I have done pains me. It feels like it reopens wounds.

I guess I'm really just asking for prayers of healing, of peace, of clarity, of guidance, of wisdom, and of trust in God and His plans. He can work all things to be for my good and for everyone else's good. He's a way maker, for the things He wills.

I know I should put my full hope and fulfillment in Him, but I have my own hopes for other things. My heart desires things, and I just want to keep on praying for encounters with God through Scripture and prayer to see if my desires are pure and can glorify His kingdom. That is the ultimate goal.

So please pray for me. Pray for everything I said above. Pray for me to trust the Lord in His plans and in His timing. Pray that I stop living in the past, and start living in the present to strive toward a better tomorrow. Healing can begin now, if I just stop poking at the soft spots and reopening my own wounds.