Burn The Ships

In my recent times of worry and regret and wishes to rewind the clock to change past mistakes and errors, I realize that I need to run after the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul. That I need to learn from my past and not dwell on it. That I need to break from the mould of what I have accepted and taken for granted for what life is.

Common to many people, I feel as though sometimes I hear the Lord speaking to me through song. More specifically, through for KING & COUNTRY. Their song "It's Not Over Yet" has been a favorite of mine since it came out, and I need that one more than ever now. That my life isn't over because I'm no longer following the path that many young adults my age follow. For the time being, no more college. Whether or not I go back to school in some capacity is a decision for later. Something I will keep asking the Lord for guidance on.

As of late, I have been clinging onto some of the more recent songs such as "God Only Knows" because I feel lost and scared and unsure of a lot of things, but I can trust my God who knows where I've been, where I am, and where I will go. Or another "Burn The Ships", because with getting comfortable to how life has been for as long as I can remember, I have become complacent and apathetic. That now is a time for growth, a time for trust, and a time to step forward. I need the comfort of my "ship" to be burned so that I have no choice to step forward. I need not fear because the Lord my God is with me. "Control" has been another because I am done trying to wrestle control over my life. I only want what God wants for me. What He planned for me since the Beginning. I want to seek after Him and His plan for my purpose and my calling on Earth. I need to relinquish my control and give it all to Him. And finally, "Need You More" because I need my Lord more than I've ever felt before. To guide me. To give me direction. To hold me when I feel lost and scared. To give me wisdom to know what I should be doing and how I should be handling things. For courage to change aspects of my life that need change. And for serenity to accept that things that have been done or that are out of my control will be fine and I need not worry about trying to change them.

I know not where I go, but I do know I have a purpose and a calling. I know not where that purpose or that calling is for now, but I will seek after the Lord in prayer, in worship, and in all ways I can as a human. I don't mean to write this to sound like I am better than you, the reader, but more of being accountable to be a better Christian and a better follower of Christ; a better man of God that I so quickly claim to be.

I want to look up in my lowest of valleys, and give praise in my highest of summits. This is day one of stepping out of the ashes and into a new life. One fully centered on God, and one that I will stop being lazy and take charge. I have been called a leader before, by friends, teachers, family, etc. I have never felt that I was a leader, but now is the time for me to become one. To become better.

The night has fallen, but the morning is not far away. Onwards I shall go, and onwards to the light. Even with the regrets I feel, it is the experiences I have learned that will carry me to the daybreak.

"Hope is like the sun: if you only believe in it when you see it, you'll never make it through the night" -Leia Organa