Reevaluation

So I have a lot of prayer to do and a lot of thinking of what I'm going to do with my life. Yeah, we're getting deep tonight. And no, that's not what she said.

I was talking with my best friend, asking him what he thinks I should do with my life, given the fact that I just don't really apply myself all that much into my academics like I should be. I've not done well in high school and I'm not exactly doing well enough here in college to graduate on time, in 2021, like originally planned and projected to. I'd most likely have to stay a 5th year in order to finish my degree.

I suppose there's nothing exactly wrong with finishing my degree in 5 years as opposed to 4, but I haven't exactly told my parents yet, and I owe it to them since they're paying for my college. It's their money and they deserve to know what I've been doing with it, or I guess technically what I've not been doing with it.

Sometimes I wonder if academics was really a part of the plan for my life. Then I also counter that argument with the possibility that I'm just being lazy and not doing the work that I technically signed up to do. I agreed to be a student, no one really forced me to go to college. I mean sure I was highly encouraged to do so by my parents, but technically I'm not forced to come here. Technically I could just take my high school diploma and work some low level job for the rest of my life and just fight for every scrap on the table.

But going back to align with the idea that maybe academics isn't for me, then perhaps I'm supposed to just grow as a man in both mentality, maturity, and spiritually. To get stronger in my faith and to learn how to be an adult so that I can properly fulfill whatever calling God has on my life. I wonder sometimes that is Aikido the calling on my life? To be an instructor and somehow find a way to fulfill the Great Commission? I mean how is it that after 13 years of training that only in the past couple months that I found such a love for Aikido; such a passion for it? Sure maybe it was because I was training hard for my black belt test, but in reality, my skill doesn't change or instantly get better because the color of my belt changes from white (technically blue stained, but that's unimportant) to black. Then there were also the hundreds upon hundreds of hours spent at the gym, training hard to become stronger and in better shape to make sure I can fulfill the physical aspect of the test.

I'd absolutely love it to be an Aikido instructor. It would be an amazing job, but how can I start it all up? I mean sure I can trust in God, but is my faith strong enough? Will I actually wait on His timing and not try to force anything on my timing? Because that wouldn't work. It never does.

Do I finish my degree, or do I admit my failures to my parents, seek a part time or even full time job, and train my butt off at Aikido until I can get to the point of becoming an instructor? What am I supposed to be doing?

I guess like I said, a lot of prayer is necessary here. If you read this, could you help pray for me? I mean I know I should be the one praying about it and I shouldn't be relying on others to pray on my behalf, but any and all extra prayer could be handy.

It's time to reevaluate what I'm doing in my life and how I am pursuing after the Lord and His plan.