Rebound Shot

I know I'm claiming on working on my singleness. I know I've got a lot of things to work on to mature into the man I'm supposed to be (and hopefully husband and father to someone some day). I also know that I'll never be perfect and no matter what I do that I'll never be perfect, but I know I can try my best to get as close to perfection as possible.

Where am I going with all this, you may ask? Well sit down, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show.... or the read, I guess.

Last semester, it took some time, but I dropped a crush on some girl out of my league, but also because she'd never talk to me for whatever reason (despite being classmates once). I figured to myself that I'd finally just not worry about crushing on some cute or pretty girl for awhile.

That worked for a chunk of time, say maybe a couple to a few weeks? Then I made a last minute decision to go to Scaremare.

To shorten the story and not share too many details (although if you know me or were around me for a good chunk of time, you know the entire story anyways), basically I met a girl and (kinda) befriended her and crushed on her for a few months.

Come January 2019, through misperceptions, I decided to not actively pursue this girl. I mean I still had feelings for her, but I didn't really know her that well, so I couldn't technically make the best decisions on whether or not she could be for me. I mean she's got the heart of God and is strongly rooted in her faith, and she's super kind, so that's all good stuff anyways.

So for two and a half months, I didn't do much, and the feelings were suppressed. Notice I didn't say the feelings disappeared. I stopped and I wondered to myself if I truly don't have a crush on her or not.

Evidently, the answer was I did still have a crush on her.

Not that that is a bad thing. But I'm wondering why? Why do I still have a crush on her after all this time? I've never had a "rebound" crush before. Once I get the message that a relationship is not happening, I typically drop it and never say a word or have a thought about. Keyword being typically.

I don't see it as a bad thing, but I don't know if it's the right thing right now.

Given the few qualities I already mentioned, she would be a beyond great person to be with, but I just don't know if I should be crushing on her still. I guess I can pray about it and see where it goes. I just gotta ignore the part of me that will try to argue "oh well if God let this crush still be a thing in your mind then there must be something". I know my mind is going to do that.

I guess if you made it all the way down here, pray for me about it? I know it's a strange prayer request, but I could use as much as I can get as far as this is concerned. And also to have prayer that is not clouded by hopefulness and longingness for something that may or may not come to fruition.