So some of you who might be checking this blog kinda on the regular, or often enough to read and catch up, know that just over a week ago, I had a moment of relative depression. And through all that anger at myself, I lashed out at friends and cast myself out from the friend group.
From what I hear, they have forgiven my lashing out and they (apparently) ask my former roommate (he moved off lol) if I'm doing well. I'd like to move on and try to rebuild those friendships, but at the same time, I don't feel like I deserve to. I was the one who took my anger out on them, and was just being a total jerk to them. I know that, assuming it's true, they forgave what I did, but even knowing that, I feel that it's not enough for me to realize that the severity of my actions have.
I know that lashing out through words isn't the be all end all of worst things to do to someone, but I also need to teach myself that not everyone I begin a relationship (friends here, but it could apply to a romantic relationship as well) will be as forgiving to me if I were to lash out. How can I ever claim to begin maturing if I have moments like this, and just move on without learning from my mistakes?
So, the question has to be asked: what did it cost for me to learn this?
Was it worth the price?
Do I move on so soon?
Will I ever learn?
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