The Lonely Road

 "I walk this lonely road, the only road that I have ever known."

Sometimes I just wonder if I'm destined to be in a relationship or to find romantic love. Now that's probably being overdramatic and overexaggerating everything, but it just seems like that I can't catch a break so to speak.

To be fair, I suppose the brief crush/liking for the one girl I mentioned awhile back, that was a bit fast. And then the one before that, I was even bold enough to try asking her out to be turned down over text despite getting a yes initially. That one hurt for sure. Prior to that I think there was technically one crush of sorts but that never went anywhere as I never really got to build a friendship with her. And then that brings us full circle to the one closest thing I had to a relationship (which then only spirals into the remainder of the other I think 20 crushes left from there, so if my math is correct 16 other crushes from 2014 to late 2019 when all of these more recent ones happened).

But this time, I thought that maybe I'd at the very least take it slower and build a friendship. There had been some hypothetical or overthought points of possible flirtation, but at the very least there was a good friendship building. And maybe I was already getting ahead of myself to even consider crush (also some other details that I've already gone over in previous posts).

It seemed like things were going well too. I mean if nothing else and if it ultimately resulted in a friendship only, that would've been fine as well. I mean there were good conversations that were upkept by both sides, for example when a customer came into work and we'd have to help them, once there was a moment, she picked the conversation back up and I didn't have to try to figure how to get it going again. Most of the time the conversations fall off because then we all get sidetracked doing work (which I suppose is expected considering we are there to work, but building friendships within the workplace never hurt anyone anyways).

As circumstances would have it, something happened (to which I know not what exactly) that apparently she is unable to work for "the next few weeks". We're not sure if that means she will ever be back at work or not, but that definitely just means I won't be able to at the very least build a friendship, or rather build more on the friendship. All I can do is hope all is well, and I've even sent a text wishing her well and saying general pleasantries of "if you need anything just let me know". I'd say something like that to any friend, not just people who I may or may not be interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with.

I guess part of this is me being bummed out on the friendship aspect too. Because as other circumstances would have it, a good number of the friends I have made from work are going to other jobs, finding something else for themselves, etc. that is leading to them resigning from the workplace. Now I knew that going into this job that no one really wants to work a foodservice job forever. At least not at the entry-level like many of us are doing. I am a slight exception in that I climbed to shift leader, but even I don't really want to climb any higher as I hope to eventually get out of the industry. Most of my friends I made at work are either high school age and they're off to college (I mostly worked with them during breaks) or the college-aged people (I'm technically college-aged I know) but them too I mostly worked with during breaks. For the few that were local and worked with me "year-round" they still have greater things in store for them (I mean so do I, they're just at a later stage or closer to their ultimate goals than I am but that's fine because everyone's life is different).

I guess I just feel like that I'm losing opportunities to socialize with people I have been able to call friend. So if not from just the aspect of potentially attempting to find a relationship, then at least just bonding interpersonally. I know that as summer approaches many of the college-aged people will be back and I'll see some familiar faces, but even then that's only for the summer. So I guess I just have to keep my head up and try to make the most of every moment with someone as I never know when they might decide to quit or something happens and they cannot come back to work whether short-term or permanently.