Why, you may ask? Well, because apparently her mom doesn't want her working or going out regularly until her grandma gets fully vaccinated against COVID-19. I would assume they live together or are planning to live together, hence the caution. It's a legitimate reason, but it is a bummer both from a potential relational standpoint and from a workplace standpoint. We're shorthanded as it is, and right when I thought that at the very least I'd get another set of trained hands, we celebrated too soon and lost those hands already. I mean I should've expected as much just because we've had a number of people come and go very quickly in terms of not staying for all too long. Nothing against her particularly, just the track record of new employees, just as either circumstance would have it, or whatever other reason people would have to move on.
I get it, this line of work isn't for everyone and it's not really an end all be all sort of job for most, myself included. In fact, once I finish up at community college I'll probably quit? It depends on where I go to finish my bachelor's, and then it also depends on how tough my classes are and the like if I happen to be local. It also depends on if I ultimately get a new car and have to make car payments, but that's another story for another time.
I understand that COVID can be scary for those who live with the elderly, immunocompromised, etc. I can't say I've illfounded feelings or resentment, just like "dang". I mean I guess at least for this time, it seemed like she was enjoying the job. She seems like a really chill girl and was becoming friends with us, so if nothing else it was probably nice to make some new friends. So there could be the silver lining that she may return to work once her grandma's vaccinated. But then there's no guarantee on several things such as when those vaccinations will occur, how long it will take in between, if there is potential for complications (God forbid of course, but something to consider nonetheless), and if she even wants to come back. It would be a bummer if I never see her again, because if not for me finding an attraction to her, just losing a friend just seemingly moments after forming that friendship, with no means of contact. As far as I know, only 1 of my coworkers has her number, but I think it might be weird to ask her to ask the girl if it's okay for me to have the number. I mean I could've and should've asked for it myself just short of a week ago when I last saw her.
Then there comes the other issue of how I was talking quite a bit to a different girl (one whom I've written about briefly and the same one who I mentioned in "Liquid Courage"). There were definitely feelings for that girl, but at the same time there was the obstacle of long distance as she lives in Virginia, and I here in New Jersey. Not to say that it is impossible, but it definitely would be tough. The issue arises because not too long ago I stopped texting as frequently (I got to a point of good morning and good night texts) and it stopped because it almost felt like I was the only one putting in a lot of effort, so it just burned out relatively quickly. To be fair, this girl would give decently thought out responses, definitely more than simple one word replies, but even then she seldom (or even never) initiated.
Now, I have no problems with the idea of pursuing her for more than a friendship, but my own issue for myself is that I very quickly found feelings/attraction to another girl (the girl from work). I mean maybe because there was the physical aspect of being face to face and hearing her voice, seeing the emotion/reactions to jokes and just minor facial cues whilst speaking. Texting is great and all, but you lose a lot of communication if you can't hear the voice, or see the face, or just read the person's overall feel towards something. It's hard to explain. Then the other "physical" aspect is that she is closer in proximity. I have no clue which town she lives in, but close enough to justify a commute to the same workplace, be it as short as my 5 minute commute, or as long as some of my coworkers going 25-30 minutes with no traffic (I know that even that isn't that long of a commute, but for a foodservice line of work, it's very basic, and a first job sort of deal, so the pay isn't necessarily great enough to warrant a longer commute than that, but if ends need to be met, then ends need to be met). So just being closer and probably in the same state (I've had coworkers from upstate New York, but the state line is close), dating would be a lot easier with less of a time commitment to be within range so to speak, and if something were to happen, then dates could be more frequent or just being together would be a lot easier than 300 miles away (what was I thinking where the one girl I got close with lived 1,457 miles away???).
All of that to say that it almost feels like I'm making the girl from VA sound like a second-option, and I hate that about myself. I never want to be that kind of guy who sets things up so that if one girl doesn't pan out, he already has another lined up to attempt creating a romantic relationship with. I mean sure maybe it is old school or what have you to focus potential romantic energy at one person at a time, but that's all that I feel comfortable with. You can't really tell me to do otherwise, it just feels wrong for me, sorry if that ideology is wrong.
Maybe this is just a sign that for the time being I should chill out and stay single. I mean it almost seems like I'm scheming every single move. And as the title proves, I won't win this way. I feel "dirty" for just the potential perception of second-options, and I'm still occasionally getting the rare wave of sadness, hurt, and missing of people in regards to the one major event in my social life last year (I guess it technically qualifies as social life, because I suppose romance is a subcategory of it all).
Perhaps I should just sort myself out. If things are meant to be, like if there was something between myself and the work girl, if you believe in that soulmate stuff or finding "the One", then I'm certain life will figure itself out and she'll come back to work and maybe things will happen when the time is right. If not, then I'll know I wasn't meant to be with her as some doors need to close so that others can open. The work girl said she had some things she needed to sort out mentally before she tried relationships, and honestly maybe I do too. So if nothing else was gained from my short time with her, then maybe a wake up call of just chilling out and focusing on myself and sorting away any emotional baggage of my own before doing anything to reach out and bond with others romantically.
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