In case you can't see it, it talks about how there is always a before and after in your life. Some events cause more change than others, and after those events take place, there remains the split. After the event, everything is changed, forever. There is no going back to the way things were. The image continues on to say that it's okay to miss what once was and question why the "tragic events" had occurred. But then it ends by saying it is up to us on how to move on and find it in our hearts to grow and flourish even in the midst of hurt and destruction. And assuming you couldn't see the comic/image, it started with "you" as a small tree sapling in a plush forest. The tragic event was the cutting down of all the trees except the sapling. As time goes on, those other trees are still dead and gone, but growth still happens. The sapling becomes a bigger tree and is depicted as missing the forest it was once in, and finally it is a fully grown tree with new animals and livelihood as its choice to move on and grow.
Naturally, given everything I had talked about and yesterday's post on the Serenity Prayer, this was a hope inspiring message. My forest was Liberty, it was my status as a student, being the Batman, having the Batpham, etc. Tragic events happened this year, and now I've lost it all. I am in the third and fourth panel of the comic. I am growing on my own (since it's better for me and it's not like I have a choice since the other option is to stay stuck in the past) and time is moving onwards with or without me. There are moments in which I could go back and withhold those words that brought the downfall of the Batpham. The actions that would burn bridges between me and two of my best friends. To miss all the fun times and memories I've created with them over the past 2.5 years.
I am left with only one thing: to move forward. I don't know if I will ever have any more connections or memories with the friends of my past. I know that I shouldn't hold my breath expecting to have things go back to the way they were. I know that I should move on and grow and that there will be new chances in the future for me to grow and find new friends to apply the lessons I have learned and be more careful. To make sure that these tragic events never happen again. The reason we fall is to learn to pick ourselves up. We can't know what it's like to get back up if we never fall, whether we fall on our own action, or are pushed down from outside interaction.
I will have my moments of missing those good times. Just as I have missed my senior year of high school and honestly the majority of high school with all the fun field trips and activities I had done and made. But time kept moving forward, so I had to grow as the change came forth of graduation. And now with all the changes of 2020, it is forging a new path and a new and different life that I can take and adapt to. To take it and grow as much as I can and to find new life here in the aftermath of everything. It's all up to me how I want to perceive it all. As a tragic consequence of punishment and suffering because I get stuck in the past and this is all the price I have to pay for my immaturity and lack of good work ethic. Or I can learn from my mistakes and take it all as a glorious consequence with all the new opportunities being presented before me, gaining life experience, job/work experience in multiple fields of food handling, money handling, and customer service. To learn responsibility as my boss and managers give me bigger and bigger tasks with an expectation I fulfill them to the letter. To grow and become more mature and learn to take accountability for my mistakes or my achievements.
So yes, I will still have days where I question God letting all of this happen and wanting to go back to before February 4th, 2020. I will even question the more recent of going back to my immature way of handling things on April 13th, 2020, and now I have committed to choices and actions that lead me to where I am today. This is my new life, and I will bide my time and make the most of what I have been given and been blessed with. What else am I to do? Sit around and mope and hope that things get better on their own?
No. I must seek out whatever it is I think is best for my life and my career, as well as my relationships regardless of if they are platonic or romantic.
I will change myself for the better of me, and I will hope to be there for anyone who might still have or want some connection to me from my past. I am done holding grudges and I want to have a clean slate just in case that day comes and things and people come around. If not, then I have a clear and open conscience. It's a win win in my book.
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