Self-Love

I need to learn how to love myself before I can move on, I think.

For the longest time, I've been on the heavier side. By the BMI charts, I've pretty much always been "overweight", although never "obese". These days, I'm still "overweight", but I think some of it comes from some muscle bulk since I am stronger than ever before, and I kinda have some muscle definition. I mean, I did 100 push ups before I left for work today, 50 of them in one set, so clearly I have some strength. True I do have enough body fat to make me a little chunkier, but it is what it is, I guess.

Lately I stopped wearing whatever t-shirt I put on the night before underneath my work shirt, so that my t-shirt doesn't smell like subs and I can kinda separate myself from work a bit more instead of smelling it so often even at home. So when I came home and took off my work uniform, as I went upstairs to change into casual clothes, naturally I didn't have a shirt on. I took a look at myself in the mirror and one of the first thoughts was "wow I've got some body fat I could be losing". But then I had a moment of slight justification of "well it's okay, you can see some bulk from muscles so it's not terrible".

I think I need to get to a point where I just accept and love myself. Not to be a narcissist, but more of just not being hard on myself. That I don't need to have a body fat percentage at 10% to be happy. That I don't need to have a 6 pack (or an 8 pack lol) to be happy.

I don't say this as a fat acceptance sort of thing, but more of I need to just work on caring for myself more. That there are points in which I should not get to. To not just say everything is okay and stop working out (even if it's just push ups) and to not gain pounds on pounds. The idea is to try to stay healthy and active, but also not get upset if the scale won't budge and I still see myself as fat.

There are probably other areas in my life that I need to care about more as well. But I know that bodyweight and everything is a bigger (pun not intended but it works) thing for me because of how long I've been "plagued" by it.

So I think in this time I have to myself, learning to love myself more is something I need to work on as I also work on rediscovering who I am, and also remembering where I came from. To also remember who I am now, and who I can be.