Anyways, not too long ago I wrote a post writing about how I had reached out and sent my apologies and yada yada yada. And if you read yesterday's post, I wrote about how a friendship had melted away, despite amends being made, and how new amends for other damages were attempted to be made. How I was told to find new friends and move on from those friends.
Well, after I had gotten that message to move on, I said "if you say so. Goodbye then", because if they say it's time for me to move on, then what am I to do? Try to plead and beg with them to accept me still? To beg for a friendship?
I'm not going to stretch myself nor try to push the envelope so to speak. I'm done, I'm finished.
Nary 24 hours later, more like 13-14 hours if you were to count it exactly, I get a message from the person telling me I needed to move on expressing an apology from them. Saying how they didn't want to hurt me anymore and wanted me to get better and find things anew for myself.
Maybe I should be forgiving. Maybe I should accept the apology as that grace had been shown to me. Maybe I should not be childish and accept the attempt.
What will I do? Well, for now, I'm just not going to reply to the message. Heck, I haven't even "read" the message, I only know what it says because of the wonderful technologies of reading a message from the notification, but other than that I haven't "officially" read the message.
The message was sent to my Instagram dm's, and also it would seem to have been copy and pasted and texted to my phone number, I guess in an attempt to make sure I see the message in case I chose to not open the dm's since I blocked messages (just messages, not the person) on Facebook. Basically I cannot send nor receive messages between that person, but on Facebook they can still interact with me and my posts, and vice versa. I pretty much just cut off that means of communication. And before you say something, the way I see it is that if I am to move on, there's no need for an open communication.
Okay okay, so maybe I am being immature. Maybe I am childish. But there is a level of pain I had realized upon reading the message to move on. Sure I might've dealt my fair share of damage and pain when I initially pushed these former friends away in my February Fallout, but this is just too fresh right now. It's probably akin to the same pains and hurts that I had dealt, so I don't mean to say that this is worse than what I did. I don't mean to justify my actions. Just to be clear.
It's too fresh right now, and I don't think I want to talk to this person right now anyways. I don't know if they read this blog, but I don't care honestly. If they read this, then they'll know their message made it to me. I will not be opening either the text message nor the dm sent to my Instagram. I think I'm going to just ignore it for now. Maybe in a week I'll get around to it. Maybe not. I don't know.
All I'm going to do now is move on. As I was told to do. Because that's the only course of action that will lead to me "not getting hurt". I have enough concerns as it is, trying to make sure I don't catch the coronavirus, what with my neighbor and his daughter coming down with it, and my county (Bergen County) is the most heavily affected county in NJ, plus the heavy concentration in NYC that's only half an hour away (for the most part). To deal with customers and their stresses as they are on edge with the similar knowledge of the facts.
So I'll move on. Because this is what they wanted. And it's now what I want. I'm going to move on, and life will continue to flow.
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