Drastic Changes

I remember once upon a time when the closest friend I had ever had said that "it's true when a girl goes through a lot of emotional stresses such as a breakup, she would do something crazy like chop all her hair off". Well a good chunk of it anyways, not quite literally all of it. The point being a major haircut or hairstyle change would be done. Almost as an indicator of being set free and separating one from the past and allowing a new growth.

I wonder if the same can be said for guys. Sure I haven't cut my hair, but I've been changing my head's appearance. At first, I stopped using hair gel or products to make my hair stay up and styled. That could partially be because I had started to wear a hat every single day as part of my work uniform, so to style my hair and then squish it down with a hat doesn't make sense, so if anything save the hair products for days when I can let the hair show.

Anyways, I also haven't gotten my hair cut in awhile. I've gotten it cut twice this calendar year. Once in January when I had originally planned on returning to Liberty, so as to save money and not have to go to the barber as much as possible, I got my hair cut by my sister (she's not too bad at it honestly). Then after that, I got it cut again in February, maybe a week after I started my job. I'm closing in on 2 months of work, so I've probably let my hair grow out for the past, say, 6 weeks or so. I don't know what I want to do with my hair. Do I bother getting cut like the new style I had only acquired a year ago? Or do I let it grow out again and be more like the comb over or side part (I don't know these terms) like I had for the past 4 years before last year's major hair cut (kinda odd to think I only had this style for a year because it feels like it's been an eternity with everything I have experienced, both good and bad).

If we don't worry about my hair for a second, I also let my facial hair grow out. For all of January, I hadn't shaved, but February 1st, I got kinda irritated at it and shaved everything off, resetting back to a clean shaven face. After that, I had almost regretted that after getting used to the look and the smooth face just seemed odd, so I decided to let it grow out some more again. Then the whole fallout of February happened, and I shaved the mustache part maybe once or twice, but left everything on the sides and the jaw to grow. The only other thing I did was just trim the really oddly long and sort of out of place hairs coming off my chin. But I otherwise have not done much with it for the past 2 months.

I don't know if I do this because I truly say I want to experiment. I don't know if I do this because I am trying to give myself a new look to be different than the way I was that is now associated with all the memories and the same look I had during the fallout. I don't know if I let the facial hair grow because I am getting tired of people thinking I am younger than I actually am and it's an attempt to make myself look older (although it could backfire since I don't grow as fast nor as evenly as some contemporaries my age).

I wonder if it is out of my emotional pains and hurts that I do something like this. The longest I had let my facial hair grow was during my first semester of college back in the fall of 2017, and I let it grow for 5 weeks. It was way less than it is now, for that time period I had maybe a semblance of a mustache.

I don't know what my motive is for all my hair changes, and I don't know how much longer I'll let this go. Maybe if I can discover the true intentions of everything, I just might go back to the way things were, or I might keep the new look. We'll see, and only time can tell.