Contemplation

With all the "extra" time I have now with all social activities being removed during this period of quarantine, and I have shortened work hours so I can theoretically get enough sleep (as long as I remember to not stay up too late on my phone or my laptop), I should probably be thinking about the next step.

Granted I shouldn't take everything I have now or have still in regards to "losing" some things due to the restrictions for granted, but I should also be thinking about where I want to go and what I want my life to lead up to. I've only been working about just about 2 months (as of this coming Monday, it will be 2 full months at Jersey Mike's, well give or take considering I had been quarantined from work for a week), but I think I should look at the next step. This job at Jersey Mike's, while great, is most likely just a stepping stone for me. Or so I would hope.

I'd like to think that my life means more than making bread and subs all day every day that I am working. I'd like to think I have greater plans than that. Even in my time of wavering faith, I'd like to think that God has a bigger plan for me than whatever it is I have now.

What all this requires is a moment to stop and think about what I am gaining out of this job. I'm gaining work experience, interpersonal skills from interacting with customers and coworkers. I'm getting cash handling experience if I want to look into something like banking since an entry level job such as a bank teller would require 3 months of cash handling experience (or at least so they say according to every bank teller position I had applied for before getting my job at Jersey Mike's). I am getting food prep and food handling experience if for whatever reason I decide to expand my career into the food industry. So there's various things I'm learning. There might be more, there might be less, but that is what I can gather from a surface level examination of what I've been doing over the past 2 months of work.

I don't know if going back to school is in my future. But I also know that if I want to get into something more, I'm most likely going to have to look at going back to some school somewhere to get a formal education (and not botch it up this time) and get that Bachelor's degree. In what do I want a degree in, I'm not sure. I haven't really given it much thought since I got comfortable in my situation at Jersey Mike's. Maybe for right now, that's not something I'm supposed to be looking into and just hold on to what I have now and be thankful for having a job still in all these crazy times.

I don't even know what I should do with my money. A couple months ago, when I started working, I had plans to build my own PC. I compiled a list of components I want to use, and now I have all the money I need for it. So what am I waiting for? While I finally got the cash I need, I feel a slight hesitation in committing the vast majority of what I have saved up into a project for fun. Because what would I use the computer for? Gaming of course.

The other side is maybe because I don't have computer building experience, so I'm afraid I might not have parts that are compatible or fit together physically. Or that I might accidentally break something and be sunk a couple hundred dollars. The solution to that is I can buy a pre-built gaming computer that I can take a look at the parts going into it and then have someone else who knows what they're doing build it for me, or buy it from Corsair or something. Then there's still the hesitation on sinking that much money into it.

I know I should probably be smart and not buy any new computers whatsoever. I mean my laptop has held up fine for the past 2.5 years, and it's not like I do too much except for play the same games it's been able to handle for all that time. I should probably just save this money for my future, invest it even. Save it for something that I want more, like maybe even save it if the day comes and I get a relationship and maybe want to marry whoever I am dating.

The point is that I have a lot of different things to think about, yet I'm not exactly being the most proactive in this time of a slowed pace. Everything has come to a slug's pace or even halted altogether. And yet I just find something else to occupy my time.

I don't know what to do, where I'll go, or what my life amounts to. I don't know who I should talk to, what friendships I need to or should be maintaining, and to what extent I should be trying to maintain at least some semblance of a relationship with. I don't know what's going on.

A lot of what-if's, uncertainty, and fear of the unknown.

A lot of things for me to contemplate.