Quarantine & Isolation

I have not worked at all since last Thursday, the 19th because hours were being cut and now that I have to wait for a coworker's test results to come back, I'm still not working. Had everything been compared to the "normal" schedule before this whole virus shut down the world thing, I missed 4 days of work. That's 32 hours of work I did not do, and 32 hours of work I will not be getting paid for.

If you count the weekends, it's been 6 days so far of a form of quarantine/isolation of sorts. While I am not sick and I just move about my day to day, operating under the shelter-in-place order by the state governor, it just feels like I could be doing so much more. Don't get me wrong, it's kind of nice to have so much time to just relax and kick back and everything, but I had only gotten about a month of work in before the world decided to shut down.

I'm honestly getting pretty antsy and just want to have some hours to work that way I have some sense of accomplishment and some money to work with. I mean I've saved every single dollar and cent of each of my 2 paychecks up to now, so I technically do have some money. Today is normally pay day, so my 3rd check should be in, I just haven't collected it yet since it gets sent to my workplace. Also, luckily for me my parents are still supporting me for bills and food and just surviving, so it's not like I technically "need" the money.

The point I'm trying to make is that not being able to work is making me feel like my life isn't amounting to much at the moment. That there is something I could be on a perfect timeline somewhere, but I've strayed far from it. I mean even if I were working, I'm sure eventually I might feel as if my life is supposed to be more than a crew member at a sub shop. I guess I've just had a lot of time to think about my life and everything that I've done and everything I could be doing instead. Although I've also just burned through the hours playing video games or watching YouTube or just doing nothing necessarily "productive".

I guess I should be spending time trying to think of where I want to go in life. To actually sit down and consider if I want to go back to school, and if I do, then what will I study? To re-evaluate my priorities and to find my purpose and my calling. I've become so blase about everything. I've gotten comfortable even in my schedule of working, but now that was taken away from me. I know it's not a permanent withholding as whenever the test results come back, assuming they are negative on the test for COVID-19, then I should be back to work in no time flat. This month has taken a lot away from me, and I just need to try my best to stay optimistic in it all.

I'm losing hope and losing energy in a way that sounds odd considering I have all the time in the world as it seems to recuperate and regain my energy. But as a post from TobyMac that I shared says, quoting Bob Goff, "sometimes God lets us lose hope for a moment, so we'll retrace our steps and find Him all over again". Maybe this is another wake up call. To retrace my steps to go and find my way back to the Lord and then maybe everything will start making sense again. Or even if it doesn't, at least I'll be at peace knowing that God is by my side and still working even when the world has come to a standstill.

I need to do a lot of praying and a lot of seeking after the Lord. If you're reading this, if you wouldn't mind praying for me to find my way back to God and find my purpose and my calling, that would be very much appreciated.