I really liked it because it brings about feelings that I am going through, and while the first half can potentially induce a mild bit of sadness through the nostalgia, the latter half inspires hope and a way to look at things to just cherish all the times and all the memories together.
"Here's to the ones that we got. Cheers to the wish you were here but you're not because the drinks bring back all the memories, and the memories bring back memories bring back... As we go on, we remember, all the times we, had together."
I felt this move something within me. While no I'm not drinking alcohol or consuming any inhibitors that would 100% align with the lyrics, I still felt that effect. Some days just come by and I feel so much sorrow and regret. When I think of it in the way of what I had lost and what I wish I could relive just to have some more time, I get sad. I feel bad. I kick myself for putting myself in this position.
But as I proceed to the latter half of the medley, just remembering all the times I had with friends, it makes me realize that being sad and feeling sorry is not going to make these memories fond, nor will I learn to cherish these memories. And what I need to do is be more thankful and grateful that I even have these memories. That yes, it's true I want to relive them and want to make more memories of the like, but it's also something that I need to realize that the good times are always in front of me and I should be more grateful with each and every day and not take anything, literally ANYTHING, for granted.
What I want to take away from this is that memories are supposed to be good for the most part. That times with friends are going to be some of the best and that I need to be aware of this. That it's not always going to be as easy as it had been to get together with friends and to do things together as we get older and enter "the real world". Ever since I started working, I've rarely had time to play video games like Minecraft with friends as I used to do on a pretty much nightly basis. I suppose that's also more of just choosing how I spend my time at night, but that's something I can work on.
The feeling of nostalgia is a good feeling usually. It helps lift me up in times of sadness because it's calming just to think about it. Calming to just step back and remember that there are good things, good people, out there that are willing to be there for me. To have my back and to encourage me on the day to day. All I have to do is reach out and try to make time for them as they would for me.
From this point on, for the rest of this post, I'm going to slightly switch topics, but the bulk of what I wanted to talk about is before here. Now I'm just going to be writing about memories and other things connected to them. Feel free to keep reading.
I realize that many things have new associations with S and I just try my best to be happy for all the things that I had with her and all the great times and memories I made with her.
For example: this morning my brother went out to get some donuts from Dunkin' Donuts. No big deal right? When I was eating one of the donuts, I was just thinking, "man it's been awhile since I last had a donut from DD". Then I kept thinking "when was the last time I had a donut from Dunkin?" Turns out it was November 21st, 2019. And you might be wondering "how do you know the exact date you last had a donut?" Well it's not because I have a great memory, but mostly because I remember the circumstances around it and I know when those circumstances occurred. That day was the day after I was asked by S if I were going to campus community. She had saved me a seat next to her and I kinda flirted with her a bit when David Nasser brought up something about how blondes were nice. This was also the day after I had the news broken to me by the admins of LU Crushes and they said that S liked me back. So I asked her on the 21st if I could talk to her about something in person. We got a late lunch with a friend and he left early to go somewhere and I was planning to talk to her over dinner so I was mildly unprepared. She said "you said you wanted to talk about something" to which I eventually told her what LU Crushes told me" and that's when I found out she liked me. Let me state for the record that that was the best feeling I ever felt. To feel loved. I know my family loves me, and that my friends would even say they love me. I know that God loves me, and His love is all that I need, but that feeling of appreciation from a girl I had been interested in for a few months, just wow. After talking with her for awhile regarding her feelings for me, and the LU Crushes post she had written about me, she decided she wanted to get some hot chocolate from the Dunkin' at the North campus dining area. She asked if I wanted one of the two donuts because she didn't want all the sugar of 2 donuts and a hot chocolate, so I obliged. And now you know why I think of her when I think of donuts from DD.
Or another thing that reminds me of her is now Avatar: The Last Airbender tv series. On December 10th, 2019, we had adventured together going to Walmart and Target in hopes of finding "Mini Brands". I went because anything with her was amazing and I loved it. While in Walmart, we had found the entire series of both ATLA and Legend of Korra. We both don't like LOK, and we searched for just ATLA. We ended up finding it, and we both bought our own copy.
And now Minecraft reminds me of her. Of all the construction projects she has undertaken, all the creativity she has expressed, and it just is amazing how someone so new at the game has so much creativity and ways to express it. I never was super creative at the game and it was just cool to watch her work. So when I'm TikTok and I see something Minecraft, I think of her.
I'm sure there are other things that make me think of her, so you can see how much of an effect she has had on my life. How much she meant to me. She stills means a lot to me, which is why it pained me to take a step away to heal, and why it pained me so much once I had cooled off and realized I had pushed her away. I don't know where the friendship between us will go or how many more times I will share with her in person given the current distance separation, but I just want to trust the Lord in what He's doing. If we're meant to be close friends, He'll make a way. No matter what we do, if the Lord wills us to be friends forever, He will make a way for us.
So maybe I extended this post way longer than I had originally intended. That maybe I exposed more of S than she might have wanted. That maybe I should have kept these things to myself, but I would like to hope that if she happens to read this that she just knows how much she means to me to be my friend.
To S: If you are reading this, please know how much you mean to me. Please know that I am so so sorry for ever pushing you away in the first place. That even now in my time as I space away mostly to heal, I am hurting similtaneously because I just want to talk to you, to just try to make more memories with you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being my friend and for making my final semester at Liberty the absolute best semester. Thank you for becoming a phamily member. Thank you for just being you.
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