Why Do I Blog?

I've found that I've been posting rather frequently. I guess if you were to compare it to about a year ago when this blog was initially started up, it's similar in that February is the month that I blog the most (last February I had 54 posts in the month). Every other month ranges from as few as 5 blog posts in the month, to as many as 30, but typically stay in the teens range for post count. As of right now, February 2020 has 22 posts, but this post will probably make it 23 posts.

Sometimes I wonder, why do I even blog so much if I'm not even sure if anyone reads it? I mean all I know is that someone does eventually read it. My only guesses are people who I know have read the blog and know it exists. There are only a couple of people that I know of who explicitly have told me they check my blog. One of them shut me out after a miscommunication about troll commenting frequency, and I don't think she's checked it since I changed the URL from "obiwanoutoften.blogspot.com" to its current "libertysdarkknight.blogspot.com". The only other person that I know who checks it is someone that I shut out and I disrespected. Geoff you're a dumb hypocrite and not the man you say you are for doing that to her. I don't know if she still checks the blog. I don't know if it's her or a potential one other person but he only checked it if I brought it to his attention. Either way, whoever of these two potential people that might be checking it, I'm not exactly on communication terms with them. Not because of anything they did but because of everything that I have done and said.

Does it even matter if I ever know who checks the blog? Maybe it's just someone completely random. I mean after all I'm pretty sure the link to my blog is on my Twitter and on my Facebook profiles. So a few clicks can lead you to read and learn the inner workings and thought processes of my mind.

Regardless of who checks it, I guess I blog so often in this month because I don't know who else to talk to. Everyone I would've talked to, I've pushed away. I have it in my perception that I've begun the reconciliation or at least healing process, but even so that would take a long long time before anything can sprout from the parched land that is whatever semblance of a relationship. I don't know if they count me as a friend, or an acquaintance, or even someone they know. I hope to regrow the relationships to their former glory, but it's not my decision, I've had my decisions and now I've got to live with the consequences whether glorious or tragic.

I guess I've discovered why I blog. It's a space for me to vent. A place that while I could easily just create a word document and keep it to myself, or a document on Google drive, I like because I can let people know how I'm doing. Maybe not directly, but at least it gives me a space to develop. A place of accountability. My growth, if you were to go from the earliest posts to now, is evident, but it's not enough. But since I know that this is getting out there, I can work on making it so that I do grow and learn how to better articulate myself.

I hope that me expressing myself on this blog does do something. Anything. I don't know what that something is that I'm expecting or hoping it achieves, but hopefully something.