trust

How will I know when I've earned trust? Especially for someone who I cannot physically be with? Not that I am avoiding them, but literally cannot be with them. Unless traveling 452 miles could be done in an instant. If only /tp from Minecraft was enabled for me. I guess then things wouldn't be the way they are now if that were the case.

I know that it's only been a few days, and I know I haven't done anything to attempt to earn, or rather, re-earn (is that a word?) the trust I had broken. I just wish I hadn't been so trigger happy on texting, so trigger happy on my blog posts even. I might not have caused actions to break the trust if I had been wiser and more mature.

What could I ever do to try to reconcile and regain friendship with someone I cared for so much? With someone I still care for a lot. Maybe I just gotta move on. Maybe I should let go. Maybe it's just because everything is narry a week old. Maybe I got too attached too easily and now I'm too clingy to let go of what was and not accepting what is, in hopes of what could be.

Even if there's nothing more than friendship, I know how valuable my friendships had been and they were an absolute blessing to have. I know that there is too much brokenness, too much negativity in the world to let things such as this ruin friendships. We all need to bond together, and yet here I am casting people out like a leper.

To the one person who might be reading this and probably knows exactly what I'm talking about: I wish to regain your trust. I wish to be your friend again. I know I cannot take back the things I've said to you nor the things I've done to you, but I want to try my very best to make it all up to you and to make things better than I left it. I know that my actions were immature and not what you deserve. I know that my words might not mean anything anymore because I was hypocritical. I just wish for a fresh start. A clean slate. A new leaf. I know I cannot force you nor demand you give me a second chance, and I don't want to be too clingy and beg for a second chance. I just want a second chance to make things right and to at least be a friend you can count on. To actually be true to the words I said and the promises I made.

I just want your trust again, but I know I've made it hard for you to trust me. I know I cannot ask you to do anything, but if the day comes that you decide you might want to retry this friendship thing, shoot me a text? I'll do my best to make things up to you. I'll do my best to be better. Not just so I can be friends with you again, but for the betterment of myself in general.

Whatever your choice is, whatever your decision is, I'll respect it. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure my words are upheld and that I work on no longer being hypocritical.