Hurt because I had thought at the time of those posts that 2020 was going to be great.
Hurt because things are nowhere near close to how 2020 was supposed to be.
Hurt because doors all over have been shut and some of them felt like they were opening into something great.
Hurt because so many things have gone wrong in this new year, in this new decade.
It's hard to feel like there's something that can redeem 2020. Something that can make up for all the pain, all the loss I've endured in this first month and a half of the decade. I know that I should just trust God and rely on Him to be my hope, to be my satisfaction, and to be my fulfillment. To know that even when the world is in blazes, I can just look up and keep my eyes fixed on Him. To know that even if I don't see it, even if I don't feel it, even if I don't hear it, that God is working in my life and around me all for the glory of His kingdom.
I wish for so much. So much I don't deserve. So much for a mulligan. So much for things to at least have been different. I wish for things to get better. I wish for this pain to go away.
I'm so lost. I'm so alone. It's so tough.
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