I want write out all that I'm feeling right now. So much is buzzing through my mind at a million miles an hour. These past couple days have been crazy. I'm to blame for igniting those flames. But I just have so much processing to do.
With the separation of what was from what is, it makes me feel a certain emotion. But I don't want to talk about it just yet. I'll let whoever is reading use your inference skills to determine things.
Why the secrecy? Why the confidentiality when I wasn't confidential with anything before? Well because it's just too soon. I know there are people who read these. I know that these things cannot be shared with them just yet because I do not even know where I am with myself now. Maybe in the next post or a few posts down the line I'll open up more. But since it's still February 5th, 2020, and there was a whole lot of commotion to kick up the dust from yesterday, it's too soon. The dust needs to settle before I feel comfortable truly opening up once again.
I long for something. Maybe it's because I am not ready to give it up. Maybe I didn't realize how good I had it until it was gone. I hate myself for being this way. For being so immature and ready to push people away and only after they are gone do I realize how good it was. I even said in instagram posts during my senior year of high school to enjoy every moment that is happening now. Because there will be a day that these current days fade away and are nothing but a distant memory. And you never know when the "good days" are until they're gone and past and there's no way of going back nor returning to them.
So with that, I'll be ending the post before I accidentally open up. If you really must know or get confirmation on what's going on through my mind, stick around for the next few days. No promises nor any guarantees, but maybe I'll share. Until then, there's only one thing to say:
So long, farewell. Auf wieder sehen, goodbye.
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