Deshi Basara

While I'm not entirely sure what language the title is in, all I know is its translation and where I've heard it from.

To describe it, it comes from the movie Dark Knight Rises and is during the scene in which Bruce Wayne makes the climb out of the prison pit. This would be the third time in the movie that we see him attempt to make the climb, this time unlike the other two times, he does it without the rope to catch him if he falls. To strike the fear of death into him so that he can find the strength to power through every challenge set before him. To not just resort to accepting death and not fearing it for he might just want it all to end so that he can rest.

As he is making the climb to the platform in which any escapee must try to leap a seemingly superhuman distance with not enough ground to get a real running start, a long term prisoner says in his native tongue, "deshi basara". Then Bruce makes the jump. He finds his redemption. The right to the mantle of Batman, to the protector of the city he was raised in.

Okay so you might be wondering, "Geoff, that's great and all but why are you making a post if you're just going to talk about a scene from one of your favorite Batman movies?" Well there's a real-life connection sort of. It might be a reach, but naturally I had to make the connection, to find a parallel between Bruce Wayne and Geoffrey Yee.

A few posts ago, I had mentioned I am stuck in my own pit. While it may not be a physical prison, it is a mental prison. A prison that I've never left before and have just accepted as a fact of life. As something I cannot escape. This prison was what I had often times in the earliest posts of this blog referred to as my dark side. As my inner darkness. As just a part of me that when released, I cannot contain. But in fact I have discovered the contrary. I can indeed contain the darkness, and I can even disspell the darkness if I put enough light into it. Sure as they say more light means more darkness, but then I just gotta keep on striving to be brighter and brighter. To blaze onwards to a new life. A better life.

This dark side is what I had tapped into on the day of the fallout. The day I had cast out everyone I had once called close friends. On the day I had so quickly thrown away the phamily. The same people I had missed and still miss dearly. This is the vulgar side, the side that deals in absolutes. The side that makes everything black and white and no gray areas. This is the side that views the world as against me and I have to fight everything and everyone alone.

As I have had time to mull over my thoughts and my feelings and work through the pain of realization of what I had done once the emotion had dwindled, I realize that that is a lifestyle I no longer want. I don't want to be so quick to anger. I don't want to be so ready to lash out. And most importantly, I don't want to backtrack on promises for that makes my word mean nothing.

If I say I will be there until the end of the line, I have to mean it. If I say I will respect thoughts, feelings, and opinions, I have to do it. I cannot say those things and give false hopes, false promises for people to put their trust in me and then for me to betray them. That's not heroic, and it most certainly is not manly.

There is a lot of soul-searching that I must do. I must discover who I am meant to be, and I must work hard and strive towards being a better person. A better man. A better friend.

I know that sometimes I go too far and find out that the damages I do are irreparable. That once I do it, there's no turning back, that there are no second chances.

But I have been shown grace. Grace similar to the grace that God my Father has shown me. I have been given a second chance. Almost a clean if not clean slate. A new leaf. A new page. A chance to do things the right way. A chance to climb out of my prison of darkness and step out into the light and become who I want to be; who I need to be.

There are greater plans for me in this life. And I know I can do great things. I just need to do things the right way and not compromise on my morals, on my promises, and on my words. Compromise leads to dangerous waters if I'm not careful. I had a shipwreck once, and I've been given a chance to repair and try again. I mustn't wreck again. I must prove my words can mean something. That my promises are true. That I won't make a promise I cannot keep.

I have been given a second chance. I am grateful and blessed to be shown grace after what I have done. I hope to make things right. The friendship is too valuable to throw away, and I shouldn't have even done anything as I have done already. But I mustn't wallow in my regret. I need to learn from my mistakes and never do those same things again. An apology without change is merely manipulation. And I do not intend to manipulate this person as I truly do value her friendship.

So, it's time for me to make the jump. Embrace the fears and what I could lose and take that as a way to strive upwards and onwards.

Deshi basara.

He rises.