Confidence

Ever since I started working and just being on my feet more than what I had been doing before I got my job (just sitting around aside from aikido 6 days a week and maybe a couple of group exercise classes and some errand running), I notice my weight has been on a steady decline. That's a good thing because ever since I came home from Liberty (little did I know for the last time returning from there as a student) I had been gaining weight. See the post not too long ago (I think early February this year) titled "Weight Up For Me".

I don't know if that weight loss was muscle loss or fat loss, but it sparked a new interest to get back into making sure I stay more active and try to rebalance my body composition. I've been snacking less and working out more. Not only do I work almost my whole shift every day on my feet, but I started doing push ups again. And then now I'm starting to add short workouts in between the end of work and aikido since I have a 2 hour gap in between. So the extra cardio and the 2 or 3 exercises of strength training that I do with the light weights we have at home add some extra calorie burn and hopefully muscle and strength gain.

I don't exactly have an accurate way to measure my body fat percentage, so it doesn't help me to know what my body is losing to drop my weight. I don't know if it's merely even just water weight loss. Or maybe I'm not eating such a high volume of food. There's a lot of different variables that can lead to weight fluctuations.

Whatever the case is, I have noticed my arms are developing pretty nicely. My deltoids and my triceps have some definition. And now I'm going to slowly rebuild my muscle endurance and maybe do more intense strength training over time.

All in all it leads to heightened confidence. Body image has been something I have struggled with ever since I got bullied in middle school. I know that what or how I look like doesn't define my value, but I guess I have always subconsciously or even consciously idealized the look of having some muscle definition. I never wanted to be super buff and swole so to speak, but I liked the ripped/shredded look. Whether or not it's possible for me (depending on how much I restrict/watch my diet and my genetics since some people have easier times or harder times getting to a certain body type), it's not a terrible goal to shape up.

I digress. My confidence is up, I feel good about how I look, and I feel good about how I feel.