Stage 5

There are 5 stages to the grieving process. The acronym/initialism (slight difference in definition, but same idea) that is used is DABDA. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

I think out of seemingly left field, I've finally reached stage 5 of Acceptance. And you might be wondering, "Geoff, what were you grieving?" Simply put, and I don't know if it's exactly true if I was in a period of grief, but I was experiencing these stages through trying to figure out what to do in regards to the whole academic suspension.

Denial:
When it first happened, I was in utter disbelief. I mean I kinda expected it after examining my poor academic performance, but I had no idea it would surmount to something so seemingly extreme. Especially when I had all sorts of plans, I had not wanted to believe my suspension was real and happening.

Anger:
I became angry with myself shortly after, and angry that I hadn't done better. I began picking everything apart and realizing different plans that could've saved my skin. Things I could've done in order to have been able to stay as a LU student.

Bargaining:
I tried to bargain with God. I begged for a miracle to revert/delay the suspension to after this spring semester. I was hoping for something I didn't deserve. For something that wasn't in His plans for me. I just wanted to go back in time to undo my mistakes and do things the right way.

Depression:
Okay so maybe I wasn't clinically diagnosed with depression, but there have been days where I wake up with immense sadness because of the realization of what is happening and what I have "lost" since some things cannot come into fruition without me being on campus, such as hanging out with friends, and just doing everything that I have come to love doing with the community at Liberty.

Acceptance:
It's been 11 days since I had gotten that unfortunate email informing me of my academic status (or lack thereof). It's been 3 days since I went to go collect my stuff from the dorm, since I had left a good portion of it there with the intention of returning for the spring semester. I had said goodbye to one of my friends who was around since he lives there, and then that was the last time I was in the Lynchburg area. There are friends I haven't gotten to say goodbye to, and it pains me that that is the way things are, but I know that I have a close bond with them and that they are all just one text away, so I'm not really saying goodbye forever. I do intend on visiting them all during the semester for a weekend, at least once or twice if I can find the time.

Anyways, it seems out of nowhere, but as I approached my computer just before starting to write this post, I had felt a sense of "everything is going to be okay", "you are not alone", "this isn't the end". I felt calm and at peace.

So yes, I miss my friends, one of them more than others (obviously, I mean have you read any of my posts?) and I will definitely wish things were different. But change is good, and more importantly, God is good. He always has been good, He always is good, and He always will be good. If I trust Him, He will work all things out for my good. He does that for each and every one of His sons and daughters. All of us. I know that if I seek after His plan and His heart that I will find the plan and the calling He has for me and for my life. That if some of the things I wish for, that I yearn for, are a part of His plan that He will make a way for it to work. He is the Way Maker.

All in all, I finally am at peace. Not to say that I will always be at peace because life will almost definitely throw curveballs at me, but I am at peace with this situation/altercation, and I can move on and forwards into the next day, into the next part of His plan.