Is It Normal?

Some days I am at peace with what has transpired and what my life is now that I'm job hunting and currently no longer an academic student (we're permanently students, learning in some capacity forever and ever). Some days I wake up or have moments of "why is this my life?" Or some days it's "I wish I could go back to the way things were".

I know that healing is going to take a long time to happen and I just need to get myself up every day, with a positive attitude and a positive outlook on life, but sometimes I just wish the clock could be rewound so I can fix the damage. I know damage control after the ship has sunk is not even worth the effort to worry, wish, yearn, etc for, but I just want it sometimes. My desires of my heart wish things were different.

I guess that might be the root to it all. What the heart wants. It's no secret but my heart still wants a relationship deeper or more than just best friendship with, well, my best friend who also is my crush. I know I shouldn't have put all my eggs into one basket so to speak, and that there also may be a chance if the Lord wills it to be. Speaking of which, I know I should be trusting in the Lord for His plans and His will for my life. To trust when He closes doors and opens new ones.

I find myself asking the Lord for this to work. But I know I just need to trust Him. It's also hard though because there are sayings like "distance makes the heart grow fonder" or "the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person". So I wonder if this time now is not the right time but that I have found the right person? And the long distance really makes me miss my best friend.

I guess I should just keep on praying. Maybe I need to let go? But I don't want to. It's not that I can't, it's that I won't. I have found something that felt really good while things were moving forwards, but with this setback, it makes me cling onto what was and not want to give it up in case there's a chance for that good feeling to come back because things could work out.

Is all of this normal behavior?

Am I being too clingy?

I guess if you're reading this, please pray for me and the circumstances. I need to trust God and what He's doing and know that everything is being worked out for my good. That whatever God had planned is the best for me.