Seems Cold

Before I begin, I just want to state for the record that it's no one's fault and that I'm the one who got too attached to things. There I said it. Now we can begin.

So if you've noticed in my posts, I've stated the phrase "I love you" in regards to my crush. I mean the fact of the matter is that I do. But she has decided that she wants to wait until we're officially dating/in a relationship before we continue saying it. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty, because that's not necessary to this post. Out of respect for her, her thoughts, her opinions, and just everything, I'll refrain from using the phrase for until this relationship develops more if it's in God's will for it to develop more.

I get the idea. You probably shouldn't say "I love you" to someone if you're not in a relationship with them, at least not towards someone you have more than platonic feelings for. I don't mean to write this post out of bitterness or anything. It's just more of a shock to my mind. Not because of anything more than just the feeling of the messages being colder.

And you might be thinking, "Geoff, you're buggin'. How can a text message have temperature?" Well the idea is that some things have a warmth, some things are cold. Like a "cold shoulder" isn't because the shoulder is legitimately cold. Or warm music isn't because the airwaves are warm (although I guess they could be).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels odd. I've probably gotten too attached to the phrase and just being all romantic or flirty or what have you, so that's the shock. But in reality the idea makes sense, and if I am to be a man/be mature about it all, I need to respect her decisions. If waiting is what I need to do, or just being patient in general, then that's what I'll do/be.

I do care about her. I do appreciate her. She's one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life, and I don't want to be immature or become hostile over a decision she makes. She's her own person, and I need to respect her. I guess I just got to get used to the way things were before we started using the phrase. It's not a big deal, so this blog post is making it sound like a bigger deal than it should be.

To my crush, I just want you to know that if you're reading this, I'm not upset or angry or frustrated. I'm just longing for the more with you. I just want to be with you and express my feelings to you. I know there are others ways I can do that, so don't feel bad. Please do not blame yourself for this. It mildly upsets me when you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault. Because if we're going to place blame on people, it should be me. I didn't stop it, I did nothing but encourage it, in fact I took the opportunity and I ran with it. So it's my fault if you want to put blame. Don't blame yourself, okay?