The Way I Am

Okay so the title kinda makes it sound like I'm making excuses for my behavior, and maybe I am. The point of the matter though is that I'm kinda upset, but not 100% upset. I can understand where the thought process is coming from, but it's the hypocriticalness (is that a word?) that's getting to me.

Basically if you've read a lot of my posts or casually perused through my posts, you'd know I'm back to crushing on a girl I thought I was done crushing on (after some misinterpretations and jumping to conclusions oddly enough). One, eh, friend/acquaintance/idk what I really want to label him as because I don't want to cast him out because that'd be immature, but simultaneously I don't really want to associate with at the moment, said to me that I'm making the whole idea of a potential relationship into an idol.

See, that's understandable for him to say because I do talk a decent amount about her, but that's also because my hopeful side wants to see all the good and whatnot. I mean can you blame me? 15 previous crushes, 7 rejections, the numbers aren't in my favor. I probably shouldn't be keeping track of these statistics, but here I am.

Side note, I am kinda glad that I wasn't ever in a relationship yet because I now see I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I don't even know if I'm ready now. But we'll see how all of this goes.

Where was I? Oh yeah, how all of this is bothering me, and the hypocritical aspect. This same person who told me I was making an idol out of it also is an emotional wreck because of a girl he likes and the way he sees he *goofed* (family friendly version) up his chances. He's not in a good spot, and of course I want him to get better and realize that this shouldn't be the end of his world. But he's all messed up and emotionally unstable. He's doing things he regrets and realizes that it's not doing him any good. Yet he also calls me out on making idols out of the idea of a relationship with a great girl???

Excuse me, but what? While I may be hopeful, and probably a bit obsessive or at least overly infatuated (same difference lol), I'm not an emotional wreck right now. Sorry to be so blunt or to be mean or abrasive, but it's the truth. Why do you dare call me out on making idols when clearly you've done the same and look where it's gotten you?

I'm done ranting for now.