Conclusions

 It's been awhile since I've come to blog. As it would seem today is the last day of 2021. Who'd've thought that time would go by so seemingly quick?

In just a couple of months, this blog will be 3 years old. That's weird to think that what started as a joke or a meme because some friend had a blog of her own would turn into something that long outlasted the group of friends from which it started. Those early day posts were a lot of complaining and whining or the occasional good thing from what I can remember off the top of my head. I'm not entirely sure at what point did I switch over to having more coherent and more substantial posts, but like I've said, I like to leave up the old things so as to see where I've been and hopefully where I've grown and come to as new posts are written.

It has come to my attention that once again I must attempt to leave what's in the past and keep it there. To no longer use anything that may have caused strife or anger or what have you to stir up within me as a reason to go on. For if I am to move forward and become whoever I am meant to be, I must be open to new things and I must find and derive my motivation from within my own self and no one else.

What I mean is that I have found myself occasionally making tiktoks to highlight or showcase my strength gains within the gym, but the subliminal idea behind the tiktok is that I was using the heartbreak I had experienced back in February of 2020 to drive it all. Saying how back then I was mainly training upper body only and that the unnamed girl "wouldn't date a guy who only trains upper body" to which is kicks into a mini montage of my peak deadlift, leg press, and squat at the time of posting. To just show something along the lines of "okay you didn't want me the way I was and the way I trained back then, so let me try something new and achieve something that you cannot enjoy or see out of me". And even that was stemmed out of a lie as I'm sure the girl I was so into at the time wouldn't honestly have cared if I trained legs or not, but she did make a mention of it that usually she doesn't date guys who only train upper body (because of the infamous chicken legs).

Moving forward, as many times as I've said this year (2021) that I would move on and not let her hold a grip on me or any idea of her hold onto me, I will turn it for real. What will my gym motivation be? To be the best I can be on my own, and to strive towards being like my favorite comic book hero. What will I work towards? Whatever and wherever my peak and my calling leads me to. Who am I doing this for? Myself. While I would like to impress or provide pride for my parents, grandparents, family, etc., I'm ultimately doing anything and everything for myself.

Lastly, I need to begin to open up. Find new things or other ways to connect to people. Find something that can create connection and long-lasting relationships of friendship and who knows what else may be available if I just put myself out there. If I really think to myself that someday I am to be married or at the very least have a girlfriend, I need to get out there. I'm not going to find one by sitting at home most of the time and otherwise going out for family outings or to the gym. I need to let my guard down enough so that I just say hello. Make a connection. And from there, let what happens happen. I don't know what will happen, I don't know where I will go. But it's time, and really and truly time for everything that still plagues me and has a grip on me (with a negative effect) to let it go and conclude whatever stay it has had and to move on towards whatever I have next.

Just as the previous post said: 2022, I'm coming back