Live With Honor

"Live with honor..."

"Die with glory!"

The chant of the fictional Crusaders in the Overwatch world. And honestly it's not a bad mentality. Upon googling the phrase, there are some people's interpretation that could tie into religion and faith, but that aside, it's not bad to make sure one goes about being honorable to only receive glory on death. To glorify oneself in life is to be selfish and to gratify the self over anything else. To live with honor would be to do things with respect and glory for someone or something outside of the self and to uplift others.

It has only taken me 22 years of life to know that my own status is really locked to be within. Sure people will judge and be judgmental of how they believe your status to be. But to fight for glorification of oneself to hopefully make a rise of their own status is vain and only to feed egos. Now I am not perfect and I can almost guarantee that if given the chance, I'd love to be of high status and to be able to do as I want and please. But I know now that that isn't the life called for myself and I must forge my own honor and disregard those who would waste their time to judge me for my choices and decisions. On the same token, if I'm being questionable or dishonorable, then by all means I should be nudged, but I do think I should begin to find what it means to live with honor.

Today marks the 20th anniversary since the tragedy of 9/11. And in years past I would make a post on Instagram to auto share to Facebook and Instagram, to just write out my thoughts in some attempt to pay my respects. But that would be it. Just those few moments or few minutes coming up with the right words to author something that sounds insightful, wise, caring, and respectful. And maybe they were those things, but what does a simple social media post do? To gain my own gratification from others approving of my nod to those who sacrificed themselves?

Now not to say that today's choice of action wasn't similar to sharing with the world and to potentially gain those same nods of approval and satisfaction, but I'd like to think I made for something more honorable and something that takes more effort and time than a quick post. The action in mind was to honor the firefighters and the heroes who made the difficult climb up the towers as they burned, in an attempt to save as many lives as they could. To climb upwards with dedication and perseverance as they watch many people rush down the stairs to try to flee the burning building. As the world melts around them and they are trying to do their job, they paid the ultimate sacrifice serving something greater than themselves. They didn't go on to save themselves or glorify themselves. They did it to save others, which is one of the most honorable thing one person could do. To fight and sacrifice for another.

As a way to honor and remember the fallen, there are many, many Americans who hop onto a stair master and climb the similar 110 flights of stairs that they climbed back then. Those who are trained or capable climb it in their gear as those firefighters made the climb with their 75+ pounds of equipment on top of their bodily frames. As for myself, I've never used a stair master until today. I hardly do cardio ever, and have only been lifting weights since I returned back to the gym. But today, and even the few weeks leading up to today, I felt some desire to be patriotic and to feel like I could do more to remember, honor, and respect the fallen lives from 20 years ago.

I got on that stair master and fought to make the climb of 110 flights with nothing but myself. So I had it made easy for me. I had access to drinkable water, I wasn't burdened by heavy equipment, I could've stopped at any point and just go home. In fact at the halfway mark of 55 flights, I felt the lactic acid build up and burn that I wanted to quit and to get off. But then I kept telling myself that those brave men and women didn't have a choice. They had to keep going up while everyone tried to go down. As the heat rose and the building's infrastructure and integrity began to collapse. So I said I was not going to get off. That I would finish what I started.

I did slow my pace for a few minutes to catch my breath and give my heart a chance to slow down and catch up on its job. Then I upped the speed back to 60 steps per minute. And I fought my way through, struggling through that grueling task as I understood the weight that those before me had to endure. I also neglected my earbuds as I didn't want to let music fill my mind and distract me so that I could try my best to stay focused. Of course I couldn't stay entirely focused as my mind wanders, but one less distraction is better than nothing.

Eventually the work would be done and I climbed the 110 flights. And it felt good and better to have done something more. Something that required more effort from me than sitting on a plush couch or in a bed as I write out some post that I would likely not look back on until the next anniversary of 9/11. I mean I still documented and posted about it, but at least now there was a better effort committed to it. It was a long and hard 34 minutes and 28 seconds of climbing. I cannot imagine how those firefighters were thinking nor how long their climb was with all that they carried, and to ultimately never return.

All of this to say that I was never seeking honor or glory from this. Yes, I did share my progress and my compiled video that I posted on TikTok and then to my Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat stories to all my friends and family. So yes there was a minor glorification of the self, but I would like to hope I did this more for the respect and honoring of the fallen. Yet, some would tell me my actions today were honorable.

So now I must let the rest be in honor of those lost 20 years ago today, and I must continue to forge my own honor and pathways. Do whatever I can to achieve that in the best ways and to not compromise myself to try to gain honor. To do my best and give it my all.

To live with honor

To die with glory