Losing Steam

 I guess this is something that's been building up to it, but nonetheless here I go.

Lately I've been wondering where does my life go and where it amounts to. I'm in that in-between phase of the end of the spring semester and awaiting for a singular summer course to begin, so when I come home from work I just mill about doing mindless activities be it scrolling on TikTok or watching YouTube. It also just gets to a point where I have started losing desire in something I thought I'd never lose interest in: video games. I hardly play any of the games I have on my computer and I don't know why I don't. I just simply feel "too lazy" to hit launch, and even if I do get past that point I play for maybe 15-20 minutes before getting bored as I've played those games and just replaying them for replay's sake.

I'm starting to get bored at work and maybe this is just a lull phase of it as I sometimes enjoy work a bit. Obviously making sandwiches isn't the line of work I want to do forever, but it's provided me something to do day in and day out, as well as receive a paycheck every 2 weeks so that I have spending money (although it should really just mostly be investment money as I'm fortunate enough to have 0 bills at the moment, so I should be building and saving for my future).

I suppose I still go to the gym, but even this past Friday I actually skipped the gym in favor of a nap. Maybe I needed the rest and it wouldn't really have been super beneficial to push myself to go to the gym anyways, who knows? But aside from vacation, I haven't missed a day of gym that I've been regularly doing since February. I find some excitement in the gym and I still have aspirations and goals I want to hit physically for my own personal achievement and gratification (not sure if I used that word correctly). Other than that, I don't really know what I do for enjoyment or for fulfilling some greater purpose that I may have.

Some days I just want to not have to get up for work. Some days I want to just sleep in and do whatever. Maybe that's because I subconsciously recognize that I finished a college semester and just had a family vacation away from work, so now I'm falling back to the conditioned feeling of waking up and milling about day to day as summer break is here. But as an adult (well young adult at that), I've got some responsibilities that include going to work and also working through my lacking grip on education.

Maybe I just need to find that spark again, to be able to get back into it and dig down to find what I want in my life. To really get that thought going of "I don't want to work at Jersey Mike's forever, so I need to keep pushing forward." That all of this is just my current chapter and it's not my story, well, not my entire story. I got to find what drives me forwards; what pushes me to better myself for tomorrow. And not the literal tomorrow either, although I guess in some instances that is also fine and does its job.