So I haven't been here since last year (yay dad jokes). In all seriousness, I did mean to write a post but never got around to it. So it's a double whammy this one.
First and foremost, as many will say for every turn of the calendar and the year begins anew, "New Year, New Me". Although I intend to take on that statement and try to run with it. How?
Well the majority of my 2020 blog posts had been pretty much focused on the downfall that if you've been around you know all too much about. And if you're new, check February 2020 for all 69 posts in that month, and then as it bled through on to I believe June, with bits and pieces scattered throughout (albeit less frequently) as the year progressed and ultimately came to a close.
That one topic consumed me, it tore me down, made me feel worthless, made me think that maybe I was nothing more than a materialized ball of fury, chaos, immaturity, etc. And maybe I am still some of those, but they don't define me. Sure I reacted poorly and tried to salvage what could not be salvaged and didn't let time do its thing and heal wherever it was possible. That I had obsessed over the first girl to actually like me as I to her. That I obsessed over the closest thing I've ever had to a relationship and it was the world to me, even though I am still young and have plenty to see and experience of the world. The fear of missing out hit me hard as I learned they moved on without me and it hurt me because that was part of the path I created and chose for myself in my hurt and rage. I had closed myself off from everything and was not seeing how I could grow and become more as different areas of my life get pruned and removed so as to grow in a different direction.
As this new year begins, sure it really isn't anything more than a simple number change on the calendar. That just because it is 2021 and not 2020, that there will be massive changes at the get go. Nay, we must choose to seek something better. We must actively work towards something better if this year is to be better than last. Now I'm no world changer, not yet anyways, but I know one thing: I can change my own world. I can sit around and still mope and gripe and complain about how 2020 was "supposed to be my year" and whatever else that leaves me in the dark and in the past. Or I can just accept the way things have gone, make my peace with it, and then leave it where it is. Leave all that didn't follow me into 2021 in the past. Learn from it, and then let it go.
I learned a lot about love. I learned a lot about how words have power especially in heavy emotion regardless if it is good or bad emotion. I learned about time management. I learned how to work as a team. I learned to become a leader. I learned the true value of friendship and how precious it is. How one cannot simply choose at their convenience when a friendship is good for them. That people can and will move on and if you plan to keep them, then do your best to treat them right. If not, then be prepared to just learn from them what you can and when the time comes and the pathways are pulled apart, let them go and be grateful for the time you had and the time you shared.
So 2021, I will choose to accept my past. I will choose to look for the better. I will choose to better myself physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. It won't be a breakout year without effort, so here I will go to start my breakout.
Now on to the second portion of this frankenstein of a post:
Tonight I decided to just hop on Spotify and queue up some Minecraft music. And since I've played the game ever since May 1st, 2013, I have years of fun and nostalgia associated with the game. From playing with friends, to starting my YouTube/Twitch video making and streaming "careers" respectively. To also enjoying literally hundreds of hours with one of the best friend groups I've ever had. To all the fun survival and eventually creative mode we had. All the bantering and watching as everyone built amazing creations, personal flairs, redstone projects, and even recreations of real life objects such as Liberty University's Freedom Tower.
Since music has a strong memory effect, at least for me, it brought a rush of all these good and fun times I remember from spending probably thousands of hours in the game. In a game I once mocked about how dumb it seemed until I got into it. Little ol' middle school Geoff was so quick to judge but then realize it was justified excitement (older Geoff still is quick to judge, just hopefully less so, but who knows. Another topic for another time).
So I ultimately was caught in a very brief spell of just wishing I could rewind the clocks back to just playing Minecraft with the Batpham and all associated. Not even for the at the time potential relationship/the crush I had. Just to go back and play some Minecraft with friends, have a good time, share stories, memes, tiktoks, etc.
And then I'm hit with reality that maybe that is a thing of the past. That it's just one of those "good times" that I like to tell others about. To "enjoy every moment because by the time you realize something was a good time, it'll be too late to go back". And it very much is true. I mean I really did enjoy and maximize every minute that I had played Minecraft with friends, so it's not like I ever felt it to be a waste of time. But I just wish I could have just one more hour of it.
And as I had mentioned, things are different now. I'm unsure if any of that is possible, so I will simply choose to not linger on it and to just go about enjoying life and looking back fondly on those times. That I know there will be plenty of good ahead of me. If I'm stuck looking back, I'll miss the opportunities and chances that are headed my way.
With all that being said, if any of the former Batpham is reading this and wants to relive the past a bit, I'm all for it. If that's to be left in the past, I am fine either way.
Onwards to the new and the exciting things in store for me.
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