People who commit crimes are sent to jail (well I guess if they're convicted). And while I may not have any experience knowing what it is like to be a prisoner in the legality aspect, I have discovered that I had become a prisoner in a different way. I was a prisoner of the mind, the soul, and the heart. But I believe I have discovered the beginning of my release. The gates are opening, the chains are breaking, and the skies are clearing. I can run, soar, and be free once again.
I hadn't realized it but I had chained myself down with hate, anger, and hostility. I had put poison into my own veins, letting it course through my heart, pump through my blood into my mind, and therefore corrupt my soul. The darkness within me enveloped me entirely, and I became someone I didn't know I could become. I was a shadow. A dark presence, culminating into a monster, something to fear. And this was an abomination that affected my development, my growth, and my maturity.
It took 3 months for me to realize what was happening. 3 months so that I can find the key to my cell and start building strength to fight this monster. 3 months to see what I was becoming. But it's all okay now. Well, it's going to be okay anyways. I don't know how soon or when exactly, but it will be and that's all I need to keep me going; to keep pressing onward towards the light and remembering who I really am, who I can be, and what needs to be done.
Now, I've only received a response from one of two people, but you know what, that's okay. I did my part, and I feel like I've been set free. That I can once again get up and run. To soar the clear skies once again. To run towards light rather than dark. To remember what it was like before the poison; before the darkness.
If I'm being honest, yes I do hope for two of two people to respond. That way I can feel like I really got the chance to do what I could. But it's also something I needn't worry about because I did my part. I don't want to sound blase or whatever, but I did what I could to begin the processes and now it's just whether or not the call will be answered.
On the bright side, I did get to forgive one, and probably the more important one in this instance. Not to say that one has greater value than the other, but one is definitely a stronger need for forgiveness than the other. One had said things that crossed a couple of lines, and that was the same one that was destroying my mind and creating a void for the darkness to enter. But now I've flashed a light into that void, to flood out the darkness and allow that damage to heal and become whole once again. I was shattered, but now I can repair because my pieces are no longer being held apart by something that was both exterior and interior.
Part of me wonders what's next. What happens now that the forgiveness has begun? Is there more, or is this the end? I'm unsure of which way I want it to go. All that I do know is that for one, the darkness is trying to say that I should not let more happen, that a retry at the friendship is not allowed and should not be granted. But I knew better than my dark side. While I may not know how it would work, what I would do, or even if I really wanted it, I opened the pathways to allow for a chance to restart. To de-fibrillate and begin the heart pumping once again so to speak. All that's left is for the other party to accept, should they please. If not, it's also not the end of the world because at least we can both go on about each of our lives in peace, knowing that there is no longer any tensions or darkness or hatred against one another.
So whatever I do next in my newfound freedom, I don't really know. But what I do know is that I became a prisoner to all of these shackles that I had created for myself unknowingly in the moment, but I am glad that I am breaking free. I keep saying I want to return the heights I once was as Batman. To uphold morals and values that put others first, protect others, and be a hope for others. To shine bright like a lighthouse on a stormy night. To be like that Bat-signal among the dark clouds of Gotham. And when I return to my former glories (so to speak), I will keep on climbing, ever upwards. The end for me is not now, and it is not soon. The end of evil and dark thoughts towards others is over. And the next time evil rears its ugly face, I hope I am ready and strong enough to fight it so as to never become a prisoner to my own inner demons again.
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