Confidence Is Key

I would think that in a time of trying to discover how to heal and move on, that rebuilding my own confidence in myself, whether that be in how I think, how I feel, how I act, etc., it's just important. I need to make sure I feel good about how I feel emotionally, feel good about how I feel mentally, and to feel good about how I feel physically.

I think after going through literal years of torment and torture of bullying because of body image that the way I see myself in the mirror or in pictures with lesser clothing (such as swim trunks only or right out of the shower, don't take that statement out of context) really has a strong effect on my mental health. That effect can be either positive or negative. Negative in that if I don't like the way I look, I start feeling bad for myself and have moments of just giving up and saying to myself, "who cares what I look like, no one wants me this way". It's tough some days, but then there is the exact and complete opposite on days that I feel good.

On the days I feel good about my physique and how my body looks, I feel amazing. I feel like I am unstoppable and untouchable. Well, obviously I am not that way, but for the moment, it feels so good and I feel powerful. Take today for example: I have now concluded 2 weeks of a new exercise regimen that is a 5 consecutive day exercise pattern after my days at work (already spent on my feet) to help me get back in shape after quite literally 6 months off. I know my body has the capabilities to get back to my peak I hit back in October, and with relative ease because muscle memory and just retraining is supposed to be easier, at least I had read somewhere.

I know I'm not the most buff or most cut guy, meaning I don't have the biggest muscles or most defined six pack or anything, but I just feel good about this. Maybe I'm too into myself, but I feel like there has been progress in the past two weeks. Maybe I'm just seeing things, but who knows. It's not the most intense regimen, but it's designed to keep me motivated because it is not terribly intense, but it's good enough to recondition.

I mean check this out. I know that the water decreases the load, but I still felt a level of difficulty. Maybe with more work put into working out, I will get stronger and feel even better about myself.

Anyways, that's all. I just wanted to make one post that is good. One post that is more positive energy than negative. More hopeful than full of despair and worry. To step away for a moment and be glad for the moments I am living and to cast off fears and doubts, even if it's only for a few seconds. Because I deserve to feel happy and feel good some times.