Better Than I Found It

The goal in life, at least in my opinion, is to not worry about surpassing your peers, your friends, your colleagues, coworkers, contemporaries, etc. The goal in life should be to surpass yourself. And how do you figure to surpass yourself since you are you and you cannot split off to compete against yourself. But you have experiences, knowledge, wisdom, and all new information that you didn't have before. That you didn't even have yesterday even.

I saw this on r/GetMotivated. It inspired me because 2020 hasn't necessarily been "my year", but there are plenty of things I would not have known about myself and there are plenty of things that I learned in working with others and serving people (customers). My "yesterday" is full of mistakes, of anger, of darkness, you think it and I've probably committed the act in this year's events and altercations.

My "yesterday" version of myself is so crude, so evil. I have shown to others that I can be incredibly immature, I can say harsh things, I can write discrediting words and post it on the internet for all to see. I can take things to heart too quickly and be offended or agitated at the slightest of intonation of words that I perceive to be against me or that I simply don't like.

And to be honest, I'm not sure if I am far from my yesterday. Maybe a few minutes past midnight if I had to guess. But that's okay. It's a work in progress, and I intend to be better for myself and then to be better for others and those around me. I may not be able to repair the damages or heal the wounds I have inflicted upon others, but I can learn from those dark and vengeful moments. I am hopeful that I can work to be better; to be better than I used to be.

The way I have found myself is a state of horror, of destructive tendencies. I must learn from it all and remember these mistakes and errors of my ways. I can do one of two things now that I have found who I truly am: I can choose to leave it as I found it and just wait for the next time something similar to this year's events happens again and I destroy everything I hold dear in my friendships and relationships once again, OR I can choose to learn from my mistakes and work towards a new life and a new day that doesn't include these immature moments. I know that it is highly unlikely that I will ever truly remove my immaturity, but I certainly can do my best to minimize and reduce it as much as possible, to make a repeat of these damaging words and actions highly unlikely to show up again.

I can work to be better than my yesterday. I will work to be better than my yesterday. I am working to be better than my yesterday. Where I go from there, well we'll see as time goes on and life's ever changing tides ebb and flow. We shall see the new relationships I make, the new connections I create, the new experiences I get, the new lessons I learn, just everything about life.

I don't know what the next thing will be, but I know what needs to be done in the here and now. I have my work cut out for me. Will I put in the blood, sweat, and tears in to make it happen? Will I forge myself in these fires of trials and tribulations of life? Or will I let the hot, blazing fires cool down and not temper my edge? Seems like a pretty cut and dry answer.

I must leave my old self and become something better than how I once was. To be better than I found myself.