The Cleansing Rains

All day today, the weather has been as many would describe as "gross" or "sub-par" to enjoy outdoor activities. It's been raining, and pouring for some parts of the day. Some areas might even have experienced thunderstorms, at least as the weather predicted over the past couple of nights.

Just now, I am sitting at my computer, just scrolling through mindlessly after enjoying some time with the family doing goofy things like marching around the house to get some exercise, no matter how light it might be, as well as playing different things like hitting a ball around (relatively carefully) and just goofing off. I re-read my own post, the previous one speaking of the impossible anger, and then I had been thinking.

Sometimes we do fall from grace. Sometimes we partake in not so glorious actions and the thoughts that cross our minds are far from holy. Sometimes we make mistakes and we fall down. But that's okay. We're human. We are fallible creatures. We fall to things, but we have the ability to get back up. We have a Father who wants us regardless of how many times we fall down. No matter how many times we disgrace Him, He wants us. He wants to pick us back up, brush off the dust, and embrace us just the same as if we had never strayed away from Him in the first place.

I was thinking of how God sends the rain. Sure, the storms make seeing what's in front of us hard. Sure it makes things darker and restricts a lot of things that we do. But there's always a benefit to the storms that God allows into our lives.

Storms allow for rain to fall and wash the Earth. Wash it clean of all the filth that we put onto it. From people doing whatever would be dirtying the Earth, it can be washed clean. From the filth of animals just being animals and going through their biological needs, it can be washed clean. The rain allows for cleansing and for the opportunity to grow. As we enter springtime, we enter a season of growth. Of new blossoms, of new flowers, of new beauty.

In the times of rain, we can visualize it as we can take this as a chance to fight our darkness and be washed clean of the filth that we had brought upon ourselves. To be washed clean of all the dust that we have acquired from falling down. We can be washed off and use this as a chance to stand back up. To get back on our feet so as to be able to run back to the Father who has been yearning for our return.

My last post shows I have filth. That I have darkness coursing through my veins. That I am negative in some regards of viewing the past and the things I perceive to have been taken away. Maybe the things that were "taken away" are part of God's protection. There was a saying that "rejection is often God's protection". Maybe had I returned to Liberty, there would be conflict or something that would have done more damage than I see has been done. Maybe not, but there's always the possibility that somehow, somewhere I could have been damaged more severely and that God saw this as the best way for me to go about my life. Maybe there was something more He wanted me to learn before entering into my first relationship. Maybe there was something else I needed to do, some way I needed to mature more before being truly ready to date anyone.

I don't know God's plan, nor do I ever need to know. I don't need to know who God thinks is perfect for me as far as relationships go, but that's okay. I just need to learn to trust Him. That when the time is right and when everything is set and ready, that God will provide what He sees fit, as well as who He sees fit. That if someone needs to be in my life, whether for a platonic or a romantic relationship, that God wants to shape me to be where I am needed before bringing those people into my life. That sometimes He even brings people in to help me shape up.

Maybe the way I kick myself for my immature actions is supposed to be a wake up call as to where I need to work on myself and what I need to do in order to better myself to truly call myself a man and a follower of Christ. Maybe I need to learn to let go of the past and just be thankful. To not try to hold on and say I am thankful. Because sometimes holding on does more damage than just simply letting go. That I need not try so hard to make things work, whether as platonic or romantic friends, because if it's meant to be, then God will provide a way for it all to work.

Maybe I even need to really make sure I am content in my singleness before thinking about relationships. It's a conversation I once had about a year ago. I had tried my hand at it and gave up with it pretty quickly. Maybe in this time of no longer attending school I need to really get down and work on myself. To truly find contentment in my singleness. To find true contentment in my relationship with Christ before finding a relationship with any girl.

Whatever the case is, I know I need to bunker down and pray. Pray without ceasing and pray with pure intentions. To not pray with an agenda, and to pray with the intention of seeking more after God's heart and finding and building a deeper relationship with Him before anyone else. That whenever God says I am ready for a relationship on Earth, to just trust that He will provide and make a way with whomever He sees to be fit for me. To just know that whoever it is, He will send them when the time is right.

So I will take this day of rain as a chance to cleanse myself. To wash off my inner toxins and inner poisons of all this anger strangling the grief. To purify myself and just truly be thankful and grateful for everything that I had learned and everything that I had experienced in my time at Liberty. That I must go forth and trust God's plan for my day to day, even if I am blind and cannot see the next step. I just need to trust the Lord Almighty that His work and His plan are sovereign. That if I truly believe everything will happen for my good in His timing, that I need to live those words and not try to force anything in my own timing. To trust His plan is to trust His timing.

This is where I can begin afresh. With revitalized energy and passion. With the ability to seek after the Lord and trust Him when life becomes uncertain. This is what I want. This is what I need.