I'm not entirely sure which way I want to lean on this one, but I typically don't remember my dreams, and when I do and when I start considering the question of what does that dream mean, then I wonder if there was a truth that I am being told or something that I am supposed to do. To clarify, I wonder if when I remember my dreams and ponder the meaning if that was something I was supposed to remember.
I don't exactly remember how the dream started, but then again I don't think many people remember how a dream starts, it's just all the sudden you're in the middle of it all and then sometimes you remember it. Anyways, this dream, I suppose I was at Liberty again, or at least somehow I was able to order food from their new-ish burger place for the student dining (Hey Cow for any Liberty students reading this). But oddly enough, when I was ordering food, I ordered a #9 club supreme from Jersey Mike's and then it still came out like a burger? An unnecessary detail, but a detail I apparently remember.
As I used to do, I would order my food and then I would go sit down with friends. As suspected, probably because of how my mind is still processing everything, I was going to go sit down with S. Well I also was going to sit with another friend, who I'll call K, another friend who was a part of the Liberty Batfamily. Somehow, a former friend and unsure of where I stand with it all given the exchange of words and everything and of whom I'll call D, sat down with S and K. By the time my "food was ready", D had left. And being the memer that I am, I apparently walked up to the table where S and K were and I greeted them with a classic prequel memes saying of, "hello there". At this point, D was just about earshot range, grabbing his all too familiar electric longboard and brown jacket.
For whatever reason, S (in the dream) said almost with concern, "dude, he's still around here!" I suppose that was because D also knows prequel memes and knows I would actually say "hello there" as a classic greeting. Maybe because my mind is unsure of where I want to be in terms of that relationship? Because I am unsure of how much I want to associate with him after the threats he made. Sure he was justified in some of his anger because I was just as immature, but those words are stuck to me almost as if someone took gorilla glue and stuck it to my mind, then burned it into my memory to never be forgotten. So I guess in the dream, the fear that S displayed was my mind thinking that by using the "hello there" greeting, I would lure D back to us and then there would be potential conflict.
The next thing S said in the dream was, "you know he was here just a moment ago, so you should've gotten here sooner so you could talk to him". That sounds more like something she would actually say. Because she has always been the kind of friend who speaks with logic and reason when everyone else is steamed up from emotion or whatever. She has reasoned with me before and she knows how to speak in a way that makes me realize the error I am in and cool off to think reasonably.
I felt like describing that trait a bit more just so you can get a better idea. When I was at school and we had our friend group and everything, I had been the one to organize get togethers on a pretty much weekly basis. There was one point where S and D were joking around (apparently but I never realized) and they never answered any of the questions I was asking. For whatever reason I blew up and then decided to mute the group chat. S and D eventually tried sending me messages on their own and I ignored them. Later that night, S tried calling my phone, twice, to which I let it go to voicemail because I didn't feel like picking up. She and I eventually talked (well texted technically), and then we got everything settled down and back in order. So she managed to meet me where I was at and then bring me back to logic and reason. She's been such an amazing friend, so I just hope that the friendship continues.
Back to the dream. So after she said that I should've arrived sooner to talk to D, in my dream I replied with, "I know. I was planning to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say." So it gets me wondering, is this something I should be considering? Should I be considering to reach out and attempt to make amends? I'm honestly not even that sure of what I should do. Do I actually want this? Or even if I don't, is God saying I should fix the damages, or at least try to? This is why I decided to dedicate a whole post to it.
I guess what it all boils down to is the following: what is it that I want to achieve? What do I think is the right thing to do, no matter my own personal interest in the subject?
And most importantly, I need to pray about it. I don't mean to say I'll disregard it if it truly is God's message to me. But I have a feeling if it is truly important to God, then He will send me the message once again. I will also consult various people, ideally people with a third party view on it and unbiased and unprejudiced. Unknowing of everything and able to make a fair and equal judgment/decision.
If you are reading this and are a friend who is interested in giving me your two cents so to speak, feel free to send me a message. I want to try my best to be open minded and think of what everything is, with a level head. No more crazed emotions. No more emotionally charged, inmature decisions. Well, I know I'll probably fail at that too, but I gotta at least try.
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