Finding Purpose

I really really want to be able to just be an aikido instructor for my career. But there are several issues with that desire/dream/whatever label you want to put on it. First off, I haven't been the most proactive in getting people to take me up on free training. So I've not quite yet found the courage to seek after people and give them the encouragement to try it out. Next, I've been losing steam in trying to start up this aikido club that I had great aspirations and plans for. Liberty doesn't have an aikido club yet, but they do have a jiu jitsu club. Perhaps I haven't been putting in enough effort, and I don't have any excuse for not trying harder. I should've expected there to be resistance in trying to start something new. Not that aikido is a bad thing and it's going to force people against their morals to train with me, but just that I'm not being proactive enough to remind people, and that I'm not exactly doing the best at trying.

Part of me wants to believe that this is what I'm supposed to do. That there is a way that I can fulfill God's Great Commission and glorify His name and His kingdom through martial arts. I mean if my sensei can lead a Buddhist practice in the same place as his dojo and lead it sometimes right after or right before an aikido class, then why can't I eventually have my own school/dojo and lead something like a Bible study before or after the classes?

Now I know that starting something like this is always going to be tough. And I should fight the tough obstacles because if I truly want to do this, I need to be getting out there more. I can't let the unavailability of other busy people hinder my shot and make me become apathetic towards all of this, especially not with my academics being a far cry from stellar. If I truly want to rely on the passion I have recently found for the martial art, then I need to be doing more.

An idea had popped up into my mind not too long ago that perhaps instead of just trying to brute force my way into starting a club by just reaching out to people who express interest, that I need to just join whatever martial arts clubs already exist on campus. Perhaps I need to just attend the jiu jitsu club on a semi-regular basis. And if on the off chance there are jiu jitsu moves or techniques that come relatively easily to me because of my background in aikido, and if on another off chance people ask me how I can understand the ideas well given the fact that I have no jiu jitsu training whatsoever, then perhaps I can begin to bring up aikido and work from there. That was an incredibly long winded and debatable run on sentence, but basically I should probably just go to the jiu jitsu club and work my way from there. Or at least see what I can do. If nothing else, at least I learn or start learning another martial art and then I can try to incorporate what I learn to strengthen my repertoire and perhaps enhance my aikido abilities.

I guess I really and absolutely need to be praying about this. A lot. And way more than the occasional prayer and more than just stating it on this blog that barely anyone checks. God only knows where I've gone, where I am, and where I'm going. I need to trust Him and learn where He wants to take me. To learn if this is truly the path that I'm supposed to be on.

It's time for me to stop being apathetic with my life and my future career, and it's time for me to find my purpose.