Step Into A New Day

I'm going to be real with you, right here, right now. For the past 5 years of my life (so from age 15 to present age 20), I've unfortunately struggled with pornography and masturbation. From a secular worldview, it really doesn't matter, it's just a part of life. "Every man struggles with it, so it's not a big deal". That kind of thinking didn't help me fight this. As a Christian, if for nothing else, I should not be lusting, much less seeking my own sexual pleasure from lust. Over the past year, I've tried and tried and tried again to break free from this horrible and sinful habit. I've trained and wired my mind to seek for that dopamine hit, that release of serotonin to just make me feel good. And I got it trained so that porn was the way I can get those neurotransmitters released. Basic human biology tells my body that that is what I want, and the fallen world has given me a very easy method of seeking it out.

Sex and just sexual pleasure in general was a gift from God, to be enjoyed and used within the bounds of marriage, and to not be sought after outside of it, whether intercourse or masturbation. It became an addiction. One that I'm not proud to admit I've had, but one that I will have experience in, should the day come when I need to help a potential future son. To know exactly what he's going through, to be equipped. I'm not saying that to justify my downfalls. It's definitely not something that needed to be experienced and not something you should seek out to experience if you haven't done so already, but I can now use my experiences to guide anyone that may need it. Of course, I'm just beginning to break free, so I've got plenty to learn myself before I'm truly able to help.

For the longest time over the past year that I would try to stop looking at porn, I'd go a maximum of 9 days in a row before temptation got the hold of me. Today, as I write this post, I'm on day 10. Sure that's only 1 more day longer than my previous record, but notice I've said I've tried a multitude of times to break free. And that with 9 days being the longest I've ever gone, there have been times when I go 4, 5, or 6 days before breaking down. I actually was very tempted earlier this week, on day 5 to break back into it. But I fought on.

Full disclosure, I technically did masturbate the other day, but I did focus on not having lustful thoughts. Whether or not that breaks the streak, I'm not counting it against the streak. But I also do want to break free from masturbation. You may be wondering why I don't count it against it. After seeking counsel from others, and repenting for even just the action on its own, whether or not there was the sin of lust involved, I came to my conclusion on my own conscience that masturbation without lust is not exactly sinful. Sure it shouldn't be done anyways, but my main struggle has been lust, with masturbation just tied right onto it as a sort of secondary effect to it all. I fully intend on never masturbating again. It's a waste of time sort of, all for just a little bit of feel good brain chemicals. It's really not worth the time and effort to get those, when there are much more pure things and things that can even glorify God that can produce similar results for the amount of effort I'd have to put in.

So as the title says, "Step Into A New Day", I've stepped into a day 10 that I've not been able to do once before ever since starting this downfall. It's a far, far better thing that I do. It's a far, far better rest that I go to.