Sometimes You Wonder

A lot of times, I'm left wondering how in the world will I ever hear the Lord speak to me. I mean I am not really the most intentional about my faith, and I have made a few attempts, but still not enough to really push me into it. But I am beginning to learn how He speaks to me.

I've kinda learned on what interests me in what to do in my career, and I think that could've been the Lord speaking through my mom. She was asking me what I wanted to do with my life while we were driving to Wheeling, WV for a for KING & COUNTRY concert. She also had said she heard from my dad that I said I might be interested in physical therapy (that sentence was confusing, but basically my mom heard from my dad, who apparently heard from me).

Now my memory has its moments. Through practice, I was able to learn 40+ pages of music, and all the scales, chords, arpeggios, in every single key on the piano. So my memory clearly isn't lacking. Although there are moments in which I don't recall doing or saying something. So perhaps I said I'm interested in physical therapy, but I don't recall saying it.

Then sometimes I get told to read a verse or passage in the Bible from a friend, and at first I'm thinking "well okay this friend wants me to read this", to later realizing that it's something I needed to read.

Or other times I hear it through worship songs that for the longest time I saw as purely worship songs. Going back to this past Friday, I broke down to the Cory Asbury's "Reckless Love". Initially I didn't want to hear that song as often because it seemed like almost every convo last semester that the worship collective was playing it. It's a good song, but I guess I was kinda tired of hearing it so much without any variation to the song selections. But then, whether you want to call it ironically or as a movement of the Lord, I managed to break through my spell of depression (okay I feel a little uncomfortable calling it depression since it was only hitting me for a few days, and typically you can only be diagnosed with depression after 6 months of the symptoms, but let's just say I was going to dark places). The point is that I never broke down during worship, yet the Lord knew exactly what I needed and provided for me as He has always done.

Then other times, I've noticed that the Lord has used me as a way to convey that He is still there through me. I won't share every detail, but basically a friend texted me and I managed to say the right things to encourage that friend. I don't want to take any credit for it, but I bring it up because I am amazed that even for a guy who is very new in being intentional with his faith, that the Lord can use him.

Finally the last thing that I want to bring up about the Lord speaking to me was through an instagram story of a person I may or may not be interested in (lol). Said person posted a quote from Morgan Harper Nichols that was basically saying to keep on trusting in the Lord, no matter if the path gets rough, or ends up being a longer path than originally anticipated. And given what I thought was the end of my world last week, what with how I haven't been doing well academically and just overall feeling lost, it renewed me through a reminder that no matter what I go through, as long as I trust in the Lord and seek after Him with the purest of intention, I can get through anything, and that there is something out there on the other side of what I'm going through.

Hopefully this all makes sense.