But because of the magic of screenwriting, through trials and tribulations that changes and puts the character through some sort of metamorphosis, they end up getting the love of their life. They also put in quotes that inspire hope for a hopeless and they are nothing but misleading and false.
I rewatched a clip of Avatar The Last Airbender, and it was talking about Avatar Roku's life and how he had a love for a girl and she "didn't even know he existed". Then he eventually ended up getting her and married her and said, "if love is true, it finds a way".
Or like awhile ago, I wrote about an episode of God Friended Me that I had watched and there was a quote there saying, "if she's the one, she'll come back to you". Or re-enter your life, whatever. The point being that if the love was meant to be, it will work out anyways.
And it makes me envious. Because I wish my life could be like that. And maybe that's just because I'm too hung up on this one girl. That I should move on just like I had been able to for the 16 crushes before her. That it's been 2 months since I had read the words I never wanted to read from her. And if you just happened to run the numbers on all the other crushes, I only crushed on someone for about 4 months average. So the timing is already off.
At times I had felt that Sophia was the one. That it was all going to work out be the one I was supposed to be with, making all the worries and anxieties before null and void. And now that that is seemingly not the case, it makes me wish I were just a character in a story where I would eventually get her in the end.
But I know I gotta move on, and it just sucks so much. I'm left with nothing but a memory of my happiest times. Of other people even realizing it and telling me that I had looked the happiest that they have ever seen me, and that was coming from someone who lived with me for 2 years. Sure 2 years out of 20 isn't a whole lot (only 10%) but you learn quite a bit abou5 someone when you text them everyday and hang out with them so much, as well as share a room with them. He's been able to see me happy, and if he says that being with Sophia was the happiest he has ever seen me, then that must be quite something.
Except now neither of them are in my life anymore than just a memory. And I guess the only thing I can do now is move on.
God damn, this hurts so much. This healing is taking forever and maybe it won't even happen. I just wish I never met either of them so I wouldn't feel this pain. That this year would have "sucked" because of failing out of school and the coronavirus, but at least I wouldn't have felt the added pain of losing best friends as well as the added fact of one of them being someone I loved.
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