Limited Time

 I guess it should come as no surprise that sometimes time is quite limited and that the little bit of time you can get to yourself, you want to enjoy for yourself.

Okay, you got me, I'm referencing a rather specific note, but the idea of this post is that I'm discovering the reality of "adult life" and that sometimes this is just how it is. Ultimately, this post is in an attempt to help quell the mind and put at rest some thoughts that would otherwise kick into overthinking mode.

As of this past Sunday, I technically now work 6 days in a row. The caveat being that Mondays and Wednesdays, I "only" work 3 to 3.5 hours on those days, so it's not like I'm committing the entire day to work. But just the idea that I'm at my place of work 6 out of the 7 days a week is still a fair share of time to put in.

On top of that, Mondays through Fridays, I've so far managed to keep myself hitting the gym and usually that's about an hour to an hour and a half (on some days). Then to so-called add insult to injury, I'm starting up school (finally) with a late start on the semester (for whatever reason, I'm not entirely sure) and while I "only" have two classes a week (for now), that's still a commitment on Monday mornings and a lengthy commitment on Thursday evenings.

Factoring everything in, I'm fairly busy either due to work, school, or working out. Thursdays are totally shot, I have everything just set enough for me to go to work, hit the gym for an hour or so after, go home make something to eat, then drive out to class, and even if class ends early, that's a 12 hour run right there. Even just work, school, and exercise already starts to put me up at around high 40s to almost 50 hours of time commitment. Out of 168 hours a week, that's a fairly large chunk. That's not counting any other meals, sleep, etc. I get up on average about an hour and a half before work so I can eat breakfast, so there goes another 7-8 hours, and I average probably around 7 hours of sleep a night (hopefully haha) so there's another 49 hours. As far as actual amount of time that I'd maybe have to myself, that drops down to maybe somewhere like 40-48 hours a week.

I'm not doing exact or precise calculations. I didn't account for the time I'd spend showering daily, or eating dinner with the family almost daily (which tends to take a fair share of time, at least an hour per night on the nights everyone is home). But I suppose that ultimately, I still have a decent amount of time, although I would rather take it for myself. To mindlessly scroll social media, maybe watch some YouTube or shows on Disney+, etc.

Editor's Note: Yeah it's been 5 days since I actually started writing this, so just goes to add on to the whole idea that time is short sometimes, but alas I am back and now we shall try to continue the post if I can remember what my original train of thought was...

What I'm getting at is that there are times in which I wish some things or others could or would work a certain way. In particular, I would hope that a relationship could possibly be in the works of developing and becoming something. But as it would seem, the other party is quite busy, probably even busier (actually definitely busier) than me for the fact that she works two jobs. I mean when I briefly talked to her about it a few days ago, she said she "only" does 4 days at the same place I work, but then I can say almost for certain she has another job during the "workweek" so she's still doing a ton of work.

I have to wonder if it is simply just time constraints and the lack of free time is what is the major stoppage for why I haven't gotten that coffee date that I thought I was going to get and had planned for back in mid-August. To an extent, I'm hoping that it's just because she happened to get busy and that's why it hasn't happened but that maybe something is possible still. And I know that from an outsider's point of view, it's not looking good. That I should drop it and also the fact that it may even appear that she's "conveniently" too busy to get a coffee with me. But I remember that before I had her number and was just casually chatting with her that she mentioned this other job she was going to do, and how she would "occasionally help out" at the place I work at. Did I realize it was going to be to this extent? No. Of course not. Had I known that, and if I really wanted that coffee, I would've even suggested to move it up a couple of hours so that she could've still gotten to the things she needed to do, and also it kind of makes more sense to drink coffee earlier on in the day rather than at noon. But of course hindsight is always 20/20.

It's tough to say and as time goes on, some friends and family who are in on all the details are just saying for me to drop it. And as much as it sucks to do, I know that there's really nothing else I can do. I've already tried offering up different days that could work, I tried to see if she'd be down to go to a harvest fest at a near-ish botanical garden, but she didn't reply to that. I guess all that I can do is just sit back, and hope that if she meant it when she replied "yeah sounds fun!" to my text asking if she would be down to grab coffee (the initial/original text) that if/when she's ready or has more time, that she'd text me. I mean she has my number, she knows how to reach me. She could even DM me on instagram since we follow each other there. So it shouldn't be impossible to contact me if she wanted to. And even if she does contact me, and while there are some things or people that say that whomever asks should pay for the date, I don't even care about that, I'd pay for it all (within reason of course). If money is an issue, I'll figure it out and take the check/bill.

I guess that I've done my fair share of trying to chase her, and that if something is to happen, that she would put some effort into some degree of a chase in return. But I guess I have to assume that maybe things aren't going to work out in that manner, so I should move on.

Ultimately, I'm getting busy myself with various things so it's not like I really have many free days to just at the drop of a bell I can go and do something with someone. And maybe that's okay. Maybe I'm meant to just do my own thing right now. Be it you believe in a higher power or otherwise the universe arranging things, maybe I'm meant to just wait it out and see. The other thing is that if I were to leave it to the universe or higher power, I saw this from a post just a day or two ago:

So it just makes me wonder: I've not technically been outright denied, but I also haven't really been taken on/accepted. Is it just a delay that is unforeseen for how long it may take? And the only other thing is that I keep seeing people or places or hear about names that share the name with the girl's first name. And I think I already mentioned in a previous post (but if not here we are) that those names would've been there anyways and I only notice it now because of my interest in said girl. But it just seems so frequent that the name comes up. Even tonight, in class, we were talking about different laws and the like, and without really connecting all the details because I don't think it's really the best of connections, but basically a person we took some notes on almost shared every letter (and in order too) of her last name, save for the first letter. And now that's just some dumb overanalyzing but just a note on how quick my mind is to find a way to relate back to her.

All in all, I guess I should do as the image says and just sit calmly in my season of waiting. Maybe I am indeed in a season of waiting as I navigate my semester and all of my work shifts and finding the time to keep up with my physical health. Maybe for all I know this could even take until the summer when I'd be off from school and maybe can change my work schedule. I don't know, but all I do know is that I got to do what I have accepted for work and for school, and just stay on top of it all. And from there I just got to trust that if things are meant to be that they'll be meant to be.